A Word About Taboos

“Taboo” is one of the most oft used words in phone sex. The lure of the “No Taboos!” listings is a siren call — but not always for the same reasons.

Technically speaking, a taboo is something socially defined as forbidden. But, culture being what it is, what is taboo for one person is everyday same-old-same-old for another. Since the majority of phone sex clients are older men (for today’s purposes we’ll define that as 40+), anal and oral sex are still often considered taboo; for younger PSOs either may seem laughable to call a taboo. For some, taboos are truly forbidden things — illegal things. For some PSOs, the only taboos are those subjects their phone sex company (or, for independents, the platforms and payment processors they use) have listed on their Terms Of Service (TOS) agreements.

Here are the only two rules about taboos that a PSO can count on:

Truly forbidden is what your local laws say. Even if a taboo falls within your company or platform policy, you need to be aware of the laws, how they could affect you, and whether or not your “no taboos!” company is going to protect you legally, i.e. cover your legal expenses.

Fundamentally, a taboo is anything your caller says it is. It’s not just a matter of The Customer Is Always Right (frankly, sometimes they aren’t), it’s a matter of your job. Your job is not to be a buzz kill. And nothing kills the forbidden-naughty-deed erection more than a pragmatic voice saying, “That’s not a taboo, honey, that’s nearly the missionary position!” Just like magicians never tell how a trick is done, don’t ruin the illusion of the fantasizer.

But what about your comfort level?

The first thing you should know is that many people fantasize about things they would never actually do, things the don’t even want to do in real life.  Heck, that’s why a lot of these folks are calling you. It’s entertainment. So don’t think if he wants to role play some sex scene that it’s practice for the real event.

However, there are some cases where you are so put-off by the kink or fetish that you just can’t do it — let alone well — even on the phone.  That’s OK.

Sometimes your aversion to a perversion can be the hottest call on the planet.  The number of men who will pay to hear you squeal, “No, no! Not my ass!” is, well, a large part of what this business is built on.  Femme Dommes make nice money off humiliating men for whatever they lust over, so maybe you want to be paid per minute to tell him how disgusting he is.

If it really is something you will not talk about at all…

Unless your personal aversion is to something pretty basic, such as oral sex, most companies will be able to work with you around it.

Independents have an easier time stateing personal policies, tailored to their own comfort level; but even then, callers sometimes read or hear what they want to and miss the obvious.

If at all possible, it’s best to see if you can redirect them to something else.  It usually does not work for the fetishists or hardcore fans of a specific taboo.  But if all else fails, you can always hang-up.  Just know that when you do so, you risk losing money — in both the short and the long term.

10 thoughts on “A Word About Taboos

  1. lastditch

    As a customer I appreciate this blog – this chance to see what the boot looks like on the other foot.

    The last thing I’d ever want to do is freak a PSO, which is why I take steps to avoid this (narrowing my shortlist to those who insist they really mean No Taboo, and sending them an e-mail first – with a script if they want one. It isn’t rocket science).

    Some PSOs scream “The sicker the better, the more it turns me on.” A great way to harvest potential customers – but if one of them freaks you with their fantasy, who’s to blame?

    I’m having a hard time finding someone to record an mp3, and I don’t think my fantasy is the worst (no element of force or distress – anything like that would distress me, a guaranteed arousal killer).

    And neither is a recording a business killer – I’d be back for more. Why don’t I still watch the Electric Blue video I bought in 1987 over and over again?

    Your posts about taboos beg two questions in my mind.

    Why do laws prohibit what two consenting adults can say in private? (Not even Stalin bothered to police private phone calls unless he thought the callers were plotting against the Communist Party.)

    Who’s going to know, anyway? Does a third party listen into these calls? The News Of The World? Seriously. A PSO and caller can fall in love and conspire to murder his wife. What difference does it make if no-one else is listening?

    Reply
  2. Phone Sex Secrets

    Thank you :) I do have some more posts specifically for clients/callers coming up, including more on the “taboos” etc., which may address some of your thoughts here… It’s a holiday weekend here, so I have limited time — and it’s difficult to address such a large subject in a little space ;)

    As for the MP3 issues, you may wish to check out this post. And if you’re looking for PSOs specializing in specific areas, etc., I can help you with referrals. :)

    Reply
  3. lastditch

    Thanks for getting back on your holiday! I followed your link to Hot Talking and discovered their TOS are even more vanilla than NF! Here’s the list of banned fantasies: http://www.hottalking.com/contentpolicy

    Best guess, it’s a corporate legal issue – the buck stops at the CEO’s desk, and her lawyers have spelled out the areas where your 1st Amendment has been trampled over.

    http://myphonesite.com on the other hand, is just a facility – a technology provider – so its legal status is completely different. No custom recordings, but this is probably as good as phonesex gets and I’ve signed up:) Thanks for flagging up this site.

    I’d be interested to read any experiences you or anybody else has with these guys, though. Their ‘free trial’ turned out not to be free, so why should I trust their word on anything else? http://www.taboostories.com

    Reply
  4. Phone Sex Secrets

    I may have been too sleepy with food and drink on my holiday — I misunderstood your NF banking issue! Ever since the change of ownership at NF, there have been issues with customers (in any location) having difficulties adding funds to their accounts — problems on NFs end. But your problem was apparently with your bank. (I left suggestions for that in this discussion here.)

    However, there are some other issues to clarify…

    Any site/company is going to have their TOS (Terms Of Service) based on their location (zoning, obscenity laws, etc.) and the terms of their contracts — which usually means the credit card processing companies (merchant accounts) and the credit card companies themselves. So while MPS and NF are platforms (what you refer to as facilities or technology providers), each will be bound by their own location, contract terms etc. As will HT (even though they are not a phone sex site). The First Amendment is often blocked by corporate America as it is their right to limit or define their services — including charging more for anything “adult,” with or without factual reasons for higher costs.

    I don’t know anything about the story site you mention… Perhaps others will?

    PS Again, if you’d like to contact me directly and name your erotic interests, taboos, etc., I’m sure I’d be able to help you find PSOs, erotica authors, etc.

    Reply
  5. lastditch

    Thanks for clarifying this! (I realised corporations can censor all they like within their own domains – the 1st Amendment only limits the power of the government – but I don’t get why NF and others would want to limit their own markets, hence I thought there must be some external pressure on them to restrict the fantasies their PSOs are allowed to explore/entertain.)

    For a customer wanting to explore a taboo fantasy that would get them lynched if anybody found out, establishing trust in a PSO is massively important.

    Therefore, I want to recommend one who has proved herself trustworthy to me. I feel strongly that she deserves recommending – and I hope this is helpful without being impertinent or taken as spam. I won’t link her directly, anyway.

    Due to absurd twists and turns of events since your kind offer to help me with a referral, a PSO who was not on your list turned up and came up trumps…

    Thanks to your link to MyPhoneSite, I discovered Extreme Teen Jamie there. (BTW she covers a wide range of extremes and is far more versatile than her bio/profile suggests.) A comedy of errors enabled us to establish mutual trust and respect quickly, which might otherwise have taken a long time.

    My payment for the recording was confirmed, but for some reason she didn’t get paid. She sent the recording anyway. My immediate reaction was to hit up the site admin and demand that they sort this out – with the strong implication that I’d cling to their ass like a terrier until they ensured my payment found its way into her account. Within 2 hours it did.

    She also offers to re-record your script at no extra charge if for some reason you’re not satisfied with the first attempt – not that I needed to take her up on this.

    For my money, her gesture makes her integrity worth recommending in public.

    I have read feedback on other sites to the effect of, “I paid $X 6 months ago and never saw the mp3 – this is a scam.” You take a chance when you pay in advance.

    (I’m not quoting prices here because I don’t want to precipitate a Dutch auction with service providers scrambling to undercut each other.)

    Reply
  6. Nuala MacMoragh

    I’m not sure if I agree with the last comment about hanging up or refusing to entertain certain fantasies.
    I moved from Second Life where I can talk more with a customer before engaging in a session, to phone sex about a year ago. I did well for the first 3 months, but I did get a lot of calls from customers, who, for one reason or another either disgusted me or pissed me off (sometimes both!). Besides the pedophiles who I could use my company’s TOS to defer, I had customers who wanted to degrade me for being a PSO, who would ask me a lot of personal questions, and who just weren’t even remotely respectful: “Are you married?” “What would your mother think about you doing this?” “What kind of a slut are YOU that you talk to guys all day who are jacking off? What do you masturbate all day?” Maybe it’s that I’m too dominant to put up with it, but this kind of caller really annoyed me. I didn’t consciously understand why, but slowly I stopped logging in to take calls, and didn’t work for about 3 more months. It took me that long to get clear on the fact that if I wasn’t happy doing this work, I wouldn’t do it. No amount of money to me was worth sacrificing my dignity and my enjoyment of the job. I’m very clear now in my listings that if a caller wants to do a role play that involved degrading me, he needs to ask me first and describe the details of the role play. And most of my listings involve domination, so it’s pretty silly for guys to cal land think I’ll respond well to being called “bitch.”

    This work IS exploitative the moment you stop working for yourself and start working for the customer. Yes, you can serve the customer, but never at the expense of yourself. I am my own employer and the customer is a contractor of my services. I advise any new PSOs to their limits and respect those, because if you don’t, you won’t enjoy your work, and it’s going to be a LONG work day. Find your niche and stick with it, and refer callers who want you to perform out of your comfort zone to a more appropriate type of PSO. I come to this job eager to log in, excited to take calls, and happy to earn money because I love it.I think that shines through to my customer in my enthusiasm. I feel strongly that NOT ending the call with a customer who doesn’t honor my limits and me as a person creates the real risk of me losing money–both in the short and the long term.

    Reply
  7. Phone Sex Secrets

    Nuala, I agree there are times when hanging up isn’t bad at all – however, it depends on your niche. And anytime you hang up on a caller and the request or subject isn’t against TOS, you do risk negative feedback which can harm your business.

    There are so many varied components, specifics, niches and business models to consider, which is why making general posts can be tricky ;)

    Reply
  8. lastditch

    Me too! After so many complications over something so simple, the gremlins were inadvertently helpful.

    Taste is too personal to be a reason for recommending one PSO to others, but I promised Jamie I’d endorse her integrity when she proved herself to be principled.

    I’m with Nuala – the customer service ethic is not a licence for customers to abuse or disrespect service providers. No provider of any service should be expected to tolerate this as ‘part of the job’.

    You can close a call politely (assume he’s called you by mistake, refer him to the girl who does x, y and z), but should you feel obliged to engage in anything you’ve specifically excluded in your bio/profile? No.

    Reply

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