Category Archives: Callers Should Know

Phone Sex Is Sex Work – It’s In The News, & You Can Learn From It

If you’re following me on Twitter, you’ve likely seen my tweets about Margaret Cho’s recent championing of sex workers & their rights. Cho knows what she’s talking about. Before her comedy career took off, she, like Whoopi Goldberg, paid the bills working first as a phone sex operator. After her PSO work, Cho worked as a dominatrix. While Cho doesn’t elaborate on why she left phone sex, she does say why she gave up being a femdom:

“I was lazy,” she said. “I lacked empathy, and,” referencing the job’s requirement for administering floggings and other forms of corporal punishment that a client might request, “I had a bad arm.”

Well, the self-described laziness may be why she left phone sex… Or the bad arm? (Phones back then were heavier!) Whatever the case, I’m thrilled that Cho is putting a positive spotlight on the needs of sex workers.

But still, Cho’s story illustrates that even when you are open to sex work, you may not be well-suited for it. And even when you are good at one form of sex work, you may not be happy with another.

Which brings me to another news story…

Before Lea Grover became a “mommy blogger” (or even a mom), she helped put herself through college by working as a phone sex operator. While she seemed to enjoy the work, found it within her skill set, was challenged and even amused by it, loved the casual way she could work from home, felt shameless enough about it to confess her work to her parents, and even felt it was a safer alternative to other jobs, Grover eventually left the work because she found it depressing.

In the original article at Cosmo, Grover confesses:

But after a few months, I started to feel depressed each time I logged my phone onto the call network. I dreaded the phone ringing, and I went from eating healthy as I worked to binging on ice cream and cookies, pretending to find strangers’ masturbation fascinating.

It took a long time to figure out what was bothering me about my job, but after listening to some restaurant industry friends complain about their patrons, it struck me. Nobody, not a single caller, had ever said, “Thank you.”

And none of them had ever said, “Goodbye.”

They were so thoroughly wrapped up in their exhibitionism, in themselves, that I might as well have been a pre-recorded moaning device. And while I didn’t exactly expect callers to care about me as a human being, night after night filled with dozens of people hanging up on me mid-sentence as though I didn’t exist started to really hurt my self esteem and self confidence.

So I stopped doing phone sex and got a job working retail, like a “normal” college student.

In case you skimmed that — or missed the irony — let me point something out: Grover finally put a finger on just what was bothering her about her work as a PSO after hearing the complaints of others working in another service occupation, the restaurant industry. (And then she left for yet another service industry, retail, which I can tell you, isn’t any better.)

On any give day, any given shift, any person working in a restaurant (front of the house or the back) goes without the expressed thankful recognition of the work that they do for the people they serve. And if there’s no appreciation for those working in the noble profession of feeding someone — arguably some of the most nurturing work a person can do — how can you expect it to be any different in sex work where the “work” aspect is largely denied?

It is a sad fact that few people bother to acknowledge, let alone thank, those who serve them. If this pervasive cultural attitude offends or hurts you, you should not be working in any sector of the service industry, period. And this definitely includes phone sex and other forms of sex work, as sex workers are , sadly (stupidly!), largely disrespected the world over.

Since sex work is such a personal, intimate service, I can fully understand Grover’s depression over the lack of recognition of her as a person. Good for her for leaving! As my consultant clients can tell you, I’m aware of how taxing the specialized nurturing work of sex work can be and that I take great pains to address the potential personal and emotional impacts of this work upfront.

But even as I do not in any way blame or condemn Grover (or others) who feel this way about being a phone sex operator (or any form of sex work), I feel it’s important to point out a few things…

Honestly, in all my years of being a sex worker (from escorting to phone sex work), I can count the number of times I’ve endured a departure without a “Thank you,” on one hand. …OK, as it has been decades now, perhaps two hands. Even if it at times it sounds more obligatory than heart-felt, I’m used to being thanked for my services.

And the only times I’ve been hung up on while speaking on the phone was when a caller was shockingly interrupted by a coworker, family member, etc.. He may have hung up in a frightened hurry; but generally he’ll contact with apologies later, often with a tribute. (And if there’s no apology, I do not hesitate to block.)

Why do I believe my experiences have been better than Grover’s or others with similar stories?

It’s all about how you handle your business.

Grover’s use of “call network” indicates to me that Grover was not an independent phone sex operator, but rather was at the mercy of a phone sex company; she just took the calls sent to her. Whether or not this was true for Grover, there are things indie PSOs can do to avoid such terrible callers and clients.

Primarily, it’s all about how you position yourself in the market. Present yourself (via photos, descriptions, blog posts, tweets, rate, etc.) as an easy, quick, and cheap thrill — in cheap publications and at classless sites — and “easy, quick, and cheap” is all you’ll be to prospective callers and clients. They’ll treat you as such, with all the rudeness it implies.

However, if you present yourself as a quality service provider, placing your ads and performing your marketing in more pedigreed places, you’ll attract a higher quality clientele. Live up to those high standards and not only will clients thank you for it, but you’ll keep those classier clients. Phone sex is, after all, a luxury purchase; express how true that is for your individual services and you’ll avoid the many of the rude, bargain-basement, one-minute wankers. The few asshats you do run into won’t burn you out or upset you because you’ll be treated well overall.

(Oh, and avoid working traditional “after bar” hours, when cheap drunks call for quickies too.)

Of course, there are plenty of PSOs who happily bank on short, cheap calls. Rude or not, they take the money and run.

I’m not one of them. I’d rather spend two hours with one caller than try to corral and accommodate dozens of others in the same time-frame. But, hey, that’s me.

Fundamentally, it’s up to you to decide. First, whether or not this line of work is a good fit for you. And then, if you think it is, decide what you can tolerate, what you enjoy, and how to get the callers and business you want. If you need my help with that, I’m available for consultations; rates & info here.

Is this your first time here? You may wish to read this post and my Statement Of Purpose.

Today’s Phone Sex Tip: As The Weather Cools, Don’t Let It Ruin Your Hot Time

As the weather changes, so do the ambient or background noises in your phone calls and audio work.

Air conditioners, fans, etc. are now being powered down if not outright replaced by furnaces and heaters. Whatever adjustments you’ve made in your home to deal with the changes in the season likely affect the sound quality of your phone sex calls and audio recordings. So I remind you, PSOs and callers alike, to review these tips.

If You’ve Been Considering Arousr…

Gracie Passette has an excellent review of the sexting (and phone sex) service Arousr — which includes info on how much it really costs as well as how much chat, cam, and phone hosts can make: The Sex Kitten Arousr Review.

UPDATE: My Arousr interview is here.

Coupon Codes For Wish List Shopping For PSOs, CamGirls, Etc.

Just a reminder about wishlist safety — for both clients and providers.

Also, if you shop at Sexclectic, for anyone at all this holiday season, I have exclusive codes you can use to save money:

* Enter code PHONESEXSECRETS and save 20% on any order.

* Enter code PSSTOYS and get $10 off any order of $50 or more.

Update On NiteFlirt Goodie Bags

Goodie Bags have officially gone into Beta for all Flirts on the phone sex platform. I’m not going to provide a detailed tutorial (NF has provided a decent one of their own), but I will highlight some key things to note.

* Goodie Bags are like payment buttons (aka PTV or PPV messages), except that they are bundles of digital offerings (MP3s, photos, etc.), and they are offered in a more interesting visual format. Once files are uploaded to NF, Flirts can mix and match them to make various bundles or bags.

* While these are bundles of files, the files should not be in zip format because part of the gift of goodies is the convenience for customers to save the files in the “player” (rather than having to download them onto their own computers) and watch them while at NF.

* Goodie Bag files require tags, so that potential buyers can more readily find them while searching.

* All nude or sexually explicit images now must meet 2257 regulations. This is important. NF’s 2257 Compliance Wizard means everyone must acknowledging the 2257 requirement by making use of one of three categories:

1. Your content is not sexually explicit.

2. Your content is sexually explicit and you already have a public address where 2257 records for your content can be inspected.

3. Your content is sexually explicit and you do not have a public address where 2257 records for your content can be inspected.

If your content it not sexually explicit, you toggle that option and move along. If, however, your content is sexually explicit, you will need to provide the appropriate 2257 documentation in one of two ways. With option number two on the list above, you must including the address where the records are kept — and this address will be made public. Or you can use option three on the Compliance Wizard, and use NF’s free, integrated third-party record-keeping service, which requires you to digitally provide the correct documentation; then the NF address will be on display.

* Customers (callers) will not find a “Find Goodies” search until there are a number of items uploaded and properly tagged. NF expects this to take a few weeks. Meanwhile, callers can look for the “Goodies” tab on individual Flirt profiles and listings.

Announcing A True Phone Sex Review Site

Remember how we discussed the problem of finding quality, honest, phone sex review sites? Well, I think I’ve solved the problem.

A few months ago, a phone sex caller named Tom used my referral service to find some more phone sex operators — and when I say “more”, I mean that this man was already an avid user of phone sex services. He, in fact, considers himself addicted to phone sex. With over 500 flirts in his favorites list at NiteFlirt, Tom’s probably not kidding. Once I learned of the great numbers of phone sex calls he’s made (and continues to make), I quickly dubbed him “Tom Cat”.*wink*  And it seemed to me that Tom Cat would be a pretty darn good candidate for reviewing phone sex girls, right? He agreed and we launched Tom Cat’s Phone Sex Reviews last month.

tom-cat's-pso-reviewsTom Cat’s Phone Sex Reviews is not a phone sex directory or topsite, where placement or “ranking” is based on how much a PSO pays or how many “hits” a PSO sends to the site. It is not a bunch of spammy listings or fake reviews. It is a real review site where each and every phone sex operator listed has actually been reviewed by an experienced phone sex caller.

There’s no “pay to play” schemes, no cheating to get to the top of the list or to get better ratings, no spam or scams for PSOs or callers. While I will be using some affiliate links (primarily for additional information on trends, popularity, and client interests), this review site isn’t about money; it’s all about the phone sex & the phone sex girls. It’s all about callers being able to find quality phone sex operators — and it’s a chance for quality PSOs to get some recognition without having to pay for it.

I plan on doing additional posts about how to make the most of this review site, but for now I just wanted to officially announce the launch of this resource. And, yes, that means the site is open both for requests from PSOs to be reviewed and for phone sex callers to submit their own “guest reviews”. For more information on how the review process works for phone sex callers who wish to submit their own reviews, and to submit your reviews, go here. For more information on how the review process works for phone sex operators, and to request a review, go here.

Overall, I hope this new phone sex review site helps to improve the phone sex industry for everyone. If you spot any errors, have any comments or thoughts to share on the new review site, please use this form here.

“Goody Bags” At NiteFlirt

NiteFlirt (NF) has just launched a beta version of “Goody Bags”, a better means to show-off pay-to-view items (also called pay-per-views or PPVs). Not unlike the old (and now defunct) My Flirt Store, the “Goody Bags” are like store pages in which all the pay-to-view items, such as photos, videos, MP3 recordings, erotic stories, etc. are displayed on individual flirt pages for callers/clients to see.

Since this is feature is in beta, only a limited number of flirts were selected for the program. That means not all phone sex operators at NiteFlirt have the option to use them; and some flirts in the program clearly have not tried the new feature as their pages show no items. But NF has stated that in the next few weeks the “Goody Bags” feature will open site wide, be searchable, and be included in the NF affiliate program. As this feature expands, I will expand information about it. For now, I just wanted to show you what it looks like and how to find them.

[Note: I’ve used screenshots from Kiwi Candy because she deserves a little extra exposure for running the free advertising site for flirts. You may click on the images for a larger screen-grab image.]

How do you know if a flirt has “Goody Bags”? Once at a flirt’s profile page, you will see a new “Goodies” tab. It will be between the “Profile” and “Live Phone Sex” tabs. If there’s no “Goodies” tab, the flirt is not involved in the beta program.

niteflirt new feature goodies tab

What will you see on the “Goodies” pages? Once you click the “Goodies” tab, you will see a page full of pay per view listings, complete with thumbnail image, title, and the familiar “Buy Now” button.

goodies goody bags at niteflirt

If you’d like to find out more about a specific item in the “Goody Bag”, click on the “Details” link for, well, more details about the item for sale.

open goody bag

Along with more detailed information being shown to you, there is a “thumbs up or thumbs down” rating system, with a counter and the ability to see/read reviews of this individual pay per view item. However, please note that at this time, some of the ratings there may not be fair as this rating system was also used by those in the beta program to draw attention to issues with the “Goody Bag” system itself.

Again, I will present more information about this new NF feature once it is out of beta.

It’s Here! MPS Paid Dirty Chat!

As many of you know, I have been soooo looking forward to My Phone Site aka MPS delivering on their promise of a paid chat or instant messaging feature for phone sex operators. (Chat has always been incredibly popular with many of my regular phone sex clients and I’ve been dying for a phone sex platform site to start this very thing!) Well, the new pay to chat feature debuted at MPS this weekend. The system was checked for bugs and has now officially launched!

Among the awesome features:

Feature: The ability to charge for your time in chat. This is done by setting chat “locks”. Setting a lock involves toggling a lock icon, setting a dollar amount, typing a note regarding what the lock is for (it can be as simple as “Chat Lock Fee” or “Please pay to chat with me”), and clicking the “lock chat” button.

mps chat lock

Once this lock is set, the client cannot chat with you until the lock fee is paid. The MPS system keeps the chat lock request alive for 30 minutes, giving the client plenty of time to make up their mind and make their payment (but that means you must keep your chat window open in order not to miss the locked chat payment and begin messaging.)

Bonus: You are allowed to lock your chats, i.e make clients pay, as often as you’d like. (Financial domination, anyone?)

Feature: The ability to make money by receiving customer “gifts.” Like many social network sites which allow members to send one another little icon gifts, MPS chat allows clients to send you a little digital something — and, if the gift costs the client money, you get it!

Below are screenshots of what the clients see. In the first one, the red arrow points to the send gift button. Next, when the send gift button is clicked, a list of choices pops up. Then, when a gift is selected, clients see what (if anything) it costs to send and has the opportunity to send a note with the gift before committing to sending the gift.

mps chat gifts

gifts for chat

paid chat gift

Feature: The ability to temporarily block users. You have the ability to block MPS users for 30 minutes. This is especially handy if you have the same bozo relentlessly bothering you.

How It Works For Chat Operators:

Turning on chat is easy. Just login into your MPS website owner control panel and click the “open chat window” in the upper right hand corner. (“Open chat window” is in yellow, so you can’t miss it.)

A window will pop up, allowing you to activate chat by clicking “set online”. Shown here are both my Phone Sex Secrets listings; one for consults, the other for sex chat. You can also activate and deactivate all operators using the “action” drop-down option at the very top right.

mps pso chat window

Once you have logged into chat, you must keep that window open in order to receive, accept, lock, chat requests. (You needn’t keep the window visible, on top of all other windows and/or tabs, at all times — there is an audio alert to let you know you have a chat request.)

Your operator’s chat status, “offline” or “click to chat” buttons, will show under your operator’s image just like the “call” or “send message” buttons do — including in the MPS directory.

call phone sex secrets at mps chat message

Complete details are in this MPS video. (Running time approximately 5 minutes.)

MyPhoneSite.com Chat Video from Mps Sevices on Vimeo.

How It Works For Clients:

Simply click the “click to chat” button and your request will be sent. (If you do not have an MPS account, you will need to follow the prompts to set one up.)

This chat feature means more fun for everyone!

This is the greatest thing since sliced bread. *wink*

And MPS notes that more features are still to come:

This is version 1.0 and we will continue to upgrade the system as we move forward. Version 1.1 will include chat button code, a batch chat percentage feature (to change operator’s percentage by bulk), and a chat buddy list.

So stay tuned!

Safety First: Gifts & Wishlists For PSOs

It’s that time of year again, when naughty phone sex callers want to send good little phone sex operators gifts. But there are some things both should know.

First of all, gifts are just that — gifts. They are given freely, with no expectations in return; and they are not taxable income.

Secondly, gifts should be as safe to send as they are to receive. To that end, I must provide an update to ye olde holiday gift-giving post by mentioning a few things about safety issues using Amazon Wishlists.

While sending Amazon gift cards via email is still safe, using the Amazon Wishlist service is not. This is because when you place an item on your wishlist, the gift giver may not be purchasing the item directly from Amazon, but rather via a third-party — and that third-party may provide your personal information, including your real name and address, to the gift-giver. Sometimes they do so by offering the tracking option to purchasers. Other times it is not done so directly, but the information is part of any billing or customer service issues. Should you, the gift receiver, need to make any exchanges or otherwise contact the company who sent the gift, the gift-giver’s information may also be exposed. And, to be clear, there is no way you can avoid such things. For even if you opt to not provide a shipping address in your wishlist profile, you will need to provide one at some point in order to get your gift — and once you do, that third-party situation is activated.

It is wiser, and safer for all, for PSOs to use wishlist services which are kept completely private. Many stores offer them now, so they are not difficult to find; however, be sure to read their terms of service to be certain that both sender and giver are kept anonymous, their information kept private.

When it comes to adult items, such as sex toys and lingerie, you also want someone who has discreet shipping. One of the companies I have used for years, including the wishlist service, is Sexclectic. Not only is it the world’s largest adult products store, but it has the best prices, the most reliable, private, and secure online shopping services, and so-discreet-as-to-be-boring packaging. And, yes, it is free to use; there are no extra fees for the privacy.

It’s also easy; here’s how:

1) Go here to create your wishlist.

2) Once you’ve created your list, you will be directed to your account profile page where you fill out your shipping info as well as upload a photo & a message — including a link to your website. (See mine as an example; buying me a gift is optional lol)

3) Share the link to your wishlist. [You can also share these coupon codes with your clients so they can save when they buy your gifts: code PHONESEXSECRETS saves 20% Off (No Order Minimum), and code PSSTOYS gets you $10 Off ($50.00 Order Minimum).]

4) You can login to your wishlist at any time to add items, update shipping info, etc.

Goodbye, TalkSugar (Did Bitcoins Bite Them In The Ass?)

Can it really be months since I’ve posted here? Ah, well, time flies when you are creating and moving 23 PSO websites from Blogger to self-hosted WordPress sites. (Among other things!)

As you may have heard, on November 16, 2013, Canadian phone sex platform TalkSugar announced it will be closing:

Dear valued SugarHosts,

It is with great regret that we have decided to shut our doors. It’s been a great 9 years!

Unfortunately, we have lost all of our remaining merchant processing and are in a dispute with our providing banks to unfreeze our U.S. dollar reserves.

Luckily, we have Bitcoin reserves that remain unfrozen and are able to pay all of our valued hosts with them.

To receive immediate payment, please proceed to the “My info” page and change your payment method to “Bitcoin”. Do this as soon as humanly possible please.

The Bitcoin instructions are here.

We are aiming to do a clean shutdown as quickly as possible while our lawyers figure out how to clean up the mess with our banks. I’m sure some of you understand how hard it is to process credit cards in the adult industry, and know our pain first hand.

We appreciate your business and your understanding with this matter.

– TalkSugar Staff

Translation: PSOs at TalkSugar will be only be paid in Bitcoins, presumably while they last. Those who do get paid in Bitcoins may not like the amounts they see either, because the value of Bitcoins is as stable as stock prices. Many are, in fact, speculating that it was the Bitcoins themselves which damaged TalkSugar’s business.

TalkSugar also has an affiliate program, PimpDollar. And while they did not notify affiliates (something one only discovers by logging into their account), affiliates too must now accept payment in Bitcoins. And it is recommended that one do that as soon as possible.

The official close date for TalkSugar has been stated as December 31, 2013; presumably to allow clients to use up the funds in their accounts (because they are not getting refunds with the frozen financial assets thing).

As a result of all of this, I have removed links to TalkSugar from the sidebar, etc.

For those who are interested, here are just some of the recent news about and opinions regarding the confusing world of Bitcoins:

* Bitcoin stock exchange BitFunder announces closure

* More bitcoins, more problems: How hackers are targeting bitcoins

* Bitcoins seized in Silk Road raid

* A Bitcoin Insider On Crime, Congress And Satoshi Nakamoto

* Bitcoin Is the Segway of Currency

* Bitcoin beginning to go mainstream

* The Critics Say Bitcoin is Doomed — Here’s What They’re Missing

* Bitcoin Shakedown: We ALL can learn from adult businesses in Brand Monitoring

And the more useful 12 questions about Bitcoin you were too embarrassed to ask.