Category Archives: Safety

Today’s Phone Sex Tip: Addressing Professionalism In Paid Phone Sex Work

As a professional phone sex operator, there are specific rules of conduct. Many of these are spelled out for you in the terms of service of your contract, your agreement with phone sex platforms, payment processors, etc. But not all of them are.

Frankly, if you exercise the same caution you ought to in real life, in person and online, you’ll be fine. But some people lose sight of common sense when not being themselves; others, apparently, mistake the anonymity of hiding behind a character on the phone (or an ID online) as some sort of shield. Doing either puts yourself at risk.

You’ve no doubt heard the expression, “He has more dollars than sense.” But sometimes a PSO eager for dollars is willing to make such a trade. Don’t be one of them. Here are the basics of keeping yourself safe while handling your clients professionally.

Never give out any personal information which could lead the caller to identify you and never ask any information which could lead the caller to (even think) you are trying to identify them. Personal information includes names; company or work names; phone numbers; addresses; email addresses, chat, instant message, user IDs linked to “the real you”; banking information; passwords; etc.

When you blog or otherwise discuss clients, do not disclose their ID, share photos, etc. without their permission. Do not discuss other callers with other callers. There often are callers who get off hearing about your PSO work and other calls; it’s a form of voyeurism, or an easy way to get a fantasy idea. I can’t say “never do this” because, frankly, it’s fun and safe — as long as you are sure you are not betraying any confidences or identifying other callers by member name etc.. In other words, your fantasies can be shared in detail, but no details about your other clients themselves.

This may all seem like the dangers of strangers stuff you learned in elementary school, perhaps combined with a little Emily Post politeness. And it pretty much is. But the basics of safe and polite human interaction are tested in phone sex work.

Sometimes it’s because a caller just wants to know “the real you”, so he asks you questions and volunteers information about himself hoping his honestly encourages you to do the same. Other times it’s those proverbial few bad apples trying to do bad things. I like to err on the side of benevolent caution: He’s not trying to manipulate you into bad things; he’s been affected by the intimate nature of your companionship. In other words, it’s post-coital pillow-talk. (Even pushes for personal information at the start of your first call or contact can be post-coital; he may have masturbated to your profile, photos, etc. Or, he’s just trying to confirm for himself that what you say about yourself is true, so he can relax and get into the call — rather like a verbal massage.)

The best way to safely, politely, professionally handle these situations, i.e. keep safe while keeping a customer, is to stick to the cardinal ruleyour character’s story or profile. Making up those details, practicing saying them as responses (even if only out loud to yourself), and committing them to memory so that they drip from your mouth as easily as butter, will save your butt more than you know.

As for whatever information he shares with you, feel free to put it in your client notes if you think it will help you remember him or otherwise assist in a future call; then forget about it. (And remember, should his story change; don’t sweat it. Sometimes Usually they lie create their own fiction.)

However, there are situations in which his personal information is given to you specifically to use. This falls into the areas of blackmail, humiliation (NWS), and financial domination, specialized (complicated) areas which I will be getting into in depth as soon as I have enough time. For now, with so many new PSOs, I’d prefer to focus on how to professionally handle the safety issues.

Security & Payment Issues At MPS And Words On PSO Financial Domination Fraud

I had intended to hold off on this discussion of recent events at MyPhoneSite (MPS), in part because it has to do with financial domination, which is a fetish we have not really discussed here (and it’s quite a complicated one). But upon hearing from a number of panicked phone sex operators, I decided I needed to address the subject as simply as can be done at this time.

Working backwards, so to speak, we’ll begin with how things sit right now at MPS.

On February 24, the site posted this announcement:

Security Measures:
Very Important News: Due to some recent fraudulent activity on our network we have initiated new fraud detection software. We are also enhancing our customer verification methods. Due to this issue we have to temporarily suspend daily payouts. All withdrawals will be delayed approx. 7 days while we verify transactions and ensure that all sales are valid. This is for your protection and ours. As this process becomes automated we will return to daily payouts that are initiated within 24 hours of withdrawal.

While this is indeed disappointing to those with cash flow problems, there’s no reason to be upset. Other platform sites take even longer to process payments — and security is a damn good thing. Period. We can all hope that MPS will be able to return to the more quickly processed payments soon.

As for why MPS had to implement such changes…

On February 7, 2012, MPS sent an email regarding credit card processing rules:

ONLY THE AUTHORIZED CREDIT CARD HOLDER CAN DEPOSIT MONEY:
If we find that a website owner has logged in as the customer and deposited money the website owner’s account will be deleted and any further access will be banned. Never log in as the customer as this is a violation of our terms.

Unfortunately we have recently tracked fraud on our network due to a group of website owners processing credit cards without the customer’s consent from within the customer’s control panel. Due to this issue we have launched a full investigation. Please note that when a customer’s credit is charged by the website owner or operator on our network we will consider it as fraud.

This problem of bad apples raises it’s ugly, unethical, and illegal head everywhere — and even more often in the area of financial domination.

The very simple, too simple, oversimplified definition of financial domination is when a person gets off on the idea of being exploited for their money. It’s like the sugar daddy and princess thing on steroids. And far more complicated than most understand, which is why I wanted to wait to get into it. But here we are.

In phone sex, this fetish of financial domination is often referred to wallet rape (in which the PSO will demand gifts and tributes) and/or raise the rate games (in which the phone sex call ends and the caller had to call back paying a higher rate), all to simulate the caller’s fantasies about the girl literally taking his money.

Now, whether delirious with desire, or just plain trying to rip PSOs off, callers and players in the financial domination game will often ask, wistfully suggest, or even demand that girls sign into the caller’s account and take the money themselves. Some of these callers will be quite rude about it, leveraging their power as the client into threats to go to another PSO who will do it. These rude and “threatening” callers make me so happy to have them leave. And to report them to the platform service as well — for what they are asking the PSO to do is illegal. Not just against platform terms of service and site policies, but illegal. For what they are telling you to is to commit credit card fraud.

Don’t do it, ladies. You risk getting booted from the site/service and you risk legal action. Not exactly worth any possible short term gain.

Plus, any gain is usually temporary.

Despite their acting dumb, most if not all of these callers know what they are asking you to do. Do it, and they will lord it over your head, threatening to report you if you don’t do this or that for them (including demanding free calls, direct contract info, etc.). On top of that, they will complain to the platform site or their credit card company that they did not authorize the calls and transactions, and, as the site activities are monitored on servers, they will get the refund easy-peasy.

I’ve seen it all happen to girls. Girls I’ve warned. Girls who were burned. Badly.

Now, as angry as I get at the callers and clients who instigate fraud and abuse, I admit there are a (rare) few guys who are ignorant to what they are asking. And, in terms of good customer service, it makes sense (as well as dollars and cents), to err on the side of gracious educational benevolence.

When asked to perform such an illegal activity, simply, but kindly, explain why you cannot and will not do such a thing. You needn’t be rude, but remain firm. If they continue to engage in the subject, heck, it’s their dime, so to speak; just let them continue to ask the same question and receive the same negative answer. You can’t get in trouble for letting him ask, whine, beg, demand, or even threaten. Should he make any claims to the contrary, any investigation will prove your innocence.

But never ever participate in such fraudulent acts as logging into a client’s account or “taking” his money.

Payments, Gift Cards, Gifts, Tips, Taxes & PSOs

One potentially misleading statement made on the Good Morning America phone sex segment is creating a lot of drama. Near the end of the segment, Elizabeth Hasselbeck said, “For women who do not have bank accounts, some of the phone sex companies pay directly to a gift card.” This is raising concerns about everything from taxes and IRS industry scrutiny to alternative payment methods and confusion about gifts given to PSOs.

While I personally do not know of any companies making payments this way, I can only guess that there might just be companies who pay via a reloadable prepaid credit card of some sort. If they are legitimate paying and stable companies, they would be recording and reporting these sorts of payments just as they would checks, direct deposits, etc.

This is entirely different from gift cards and other gifts many phone sex operators receive from their clients, callers, and fans.

Which brings me to a post I had intended to make this holiday season, but have been too busy to get to: Gifts, Tips & Taxes.

Tips, or “tributes” as they are often called on the platform sites, are collected and dispensed by the phone sex platform company and therefore are part of reportable, taxable, income.

Gifts, however, are another matter.

Gifts are items, cash, or gift certificates and gift cards, which come from clients via traditional stores and shopping sites, such as Amazon. Among the most popular ways for a PSO to be pampered and adored, be it for a birthday, a holiday or just a “thank you” for spectacular service, is to be given an Amazon gift card. (While wishlists are popular, there are some concerns regarding privacy as ordering and tracking can show the recipient’s name and address; Amazon gift cards, on the other hand, can be sent to someone far more securely, and quickly, with only an email address shared.) In any case, gifts are defined by the Internal Revenue Service as follows:

The gift tax is a tax on the transfer of property by one individual to another while receiving nothing, or less than full value, in return. The tax applies whether the donor intends the transfer to be a gift or not.

The gift tax applies to the transfer by gift of any property. You make a gift if you give property (including money), or the use of or income from property, without expecting to receive something of at least equal value in return. If you sell something at less than its full value or if you make an interest-free or reduced-interest loan, you may be making a gift.

And the gift giver, or donor, is generally responsible for paying the gift taxes.

The IRS itself says it cannot make recommendations about specific individuals or their tax filings — and neither will I, other than to say it’s best to consult a professional regarding your individual questions and/or concerns. However, as you can see, gifts and gift cards are completely different from any company paying employees or dispensing income earned via any sort of credit or gift cards.

Phone Sex Secrets News

Lots of things going on behind the scenes here at Phone Sex Secrets. Along with working with my regular phone sex clients and PSO consultant work here, I’m working on another article for the wonderful Geisha Diaries and — what’s causing a bunch of flurry-scurry dialog — is the fact that yours truly is supposed to be appearing on a major television morning show in a segment about moms entering the phone sex business.I won’t reveal the name of the show until the camera crews have come and gone and I’m 100% positive that I’ll be on the show, but…

I’ve been told I’ll be part of the show and I’ve done some recruiting, so to speak, in terms of finding other mom PSOs to participate. That has caused a lot of negative response; not about me, really, but about any media attention at all.

Such negative response wasn’t unexpected. Nor was it unwarranted. The Media has a long and recent history of dealing dirty with the subject of sex work. And when you factor in “kids” in any context, it only becomes worse.

It’s stupid, really; if moms didn’t have sex, how did they become mothers?  And while we don’t like to accept that fact, millions of parents are having sex and participating in sexual entertainment in this world; that’s been going on as long as humans have been perpetuating. Yet mothers-be-damned for doing it. Doing it for free, with a spouse; worse if they make any money off it.

This is (*knock wood*) something I hope to be able to address on the show, along with a host of other facts. But the fact remains that if I make it onto the show, I will be one of those blurred-blobs with a fake name and not even using one of my phone sex personality names — so that my identity remains secret.

This I do for three reasons:

One, I don’t wish to break the veil of fantasy for any of my clients;

Two, unless and until our cultural myths and incorrect stereotypes about sex work and sex workers are corrected, revealing that you are engaged in any form or sex work can, and generally will, have negative consequences;

Three, while I have the right to work in any profession of my choosing, I do not have the right to “out” and potentially upset anyone in my family or circle of friends who will be, or fears, crucifixion for my “sins.”

Remember, safety first!

Today’s Phone Sex Tip: The Sounds Of Erotic Spankings In BDSM Phone Sex

When it comes to the more physical punishing sides of BDSM phone sex, there’s no getting around the noises. The proper sounds of spankings, croppings, etc. are essential to these calls.

For submissive PSOs…

You’ll hear all sorts of silly “options” for getting around these noises, such as smacking raw chicken or using a ruler on a table or pillow, but they are not recommended. These are tricks to fake participation in the fantasy. When you’re not participating in the fantasy at all, the caller might as well listen to the sound of plastic window blinds slapping against the window frame to get off. Deliver a submissive service, or don’t; but don’t fake it.

Submissive PSOs might need to pull a few of those erotic punches, but they should never fake spanking or cropping themselves. Sure, you might manage to mimic the right sound of the “smack,” but managing to know when to yelp or squeal — or when it begins to smart enough to cry — is another matter. Yes, good little phone sex subs are likely to be sore by the end of a call, given themselves some marks too. Those good little girls know that those are the marks of good phone sex service! (And you can often make more money by offering to sell photos of those marks after the call.)

On the other side of the BDSM scene…

For FemDoms, delivering these sounds is less of an issue. However, the lack of ability to actually deliver the blow or leave a sting leaves some pro Dommes at a loss for what to do on the phone. You can have the submissive phone sex callers deliver the blows to themselves while you count them out, hence leading the scene. Or, you can have them count their own lashes, offering comments of satisfaction or dissatisfaction, as the case may be.

And don’t forget, Dommes, that slapping yourself on the palm of your hand, on a desk or table top, etc. is like a nun with a ruler — the noise will snap a sub to attention!

Also, for those with voyeuristic fantasies — those who want you to paint a picture of you leading in a dungeon while they peep safely from the sidelines, having a few other toys that make noise is a good idea.

In any case, there are some tools better and safer than others for making the noises needed in BDSM phone sex calls; here’s the skinny on a few of them.

A wooden hairbrush, a long staple in domestic punishment stories, is likely something most every phone sex operator has laying about. It makes a rather loud sound. It will leave marks!

A ping pong paddle packs an auditory punch — and it leaves less marks than most other spanking toys.

Cropping, whipping, caning, etc. yourself is nearly impossible to effectively and safely do on the phone. The size of most canes, crops, floggers — combined with arm length and body position — makes use of it on yourself unwieldy and unsafe. Use of any of these “toys” requires skill and care as it is. Those who actually practice BDSM will be understanding of this fact; those who aren’t don’t need to be reminded of this fact during fantasy play. Instead, a safer option is to use a leather leash or collar which will provide similar sounds in the air and on flesh — close enough, at least, for phone sex calls.

Paddles can be used safely by yourself. (And now that there are so many special designs and patterns, you can offer very unique and identifiable custom photos of their results!)

Promoting Your Phone Sex Business With Business Cards & Printed Materials

A number of phone sex operators, especially those who’ve come from escorting, light upon the idea of ordering business cards or even postcards to discreetly drop around town, when they travel, etc. This practice is quite common in escorting and other sorts of sex work; go to a bar or a club, drop off a few cards for the patrons to find. It’s a form of real world trolling for customers, but it has much more personal risk.

1. While phone sex is legal, police and legal authorities may interpret your phone sex promotional pieces as solicitation. Law enforcement need not be present for you to get busted; all it takes is the club owner and/or disgruntled patrons to be offended by your cards and, catching you red-handed, call the police. You may find yourself branded with a legal scarlet letter or at least an arrest, while the police let the district attorney sort out the legality of your actions. Frightening, annoying, embarrassing — and expensive.

2. Any woman seen dropping off business cards for adult work may find themselves with unwanted non-paying attention of stalkers or worse who follow them out the club door, to their car, etc.  And in many of these cases, crime completed or crime attempted, police intervention will find you the one with the arrest and the criminal walking away without even a hand-slap.

For these reasons, it is customary for groups of people from one agency or business to travel in packs to promote the club. Cute girls chat for a bit then make for the door while a few men hang back to offer business cards to those men with crestfallen faces who appear to be sincere, not undercover. A few cards and other printed materials mange to be left on the tables, chairs, etc. in the now vacated area, waiting to be found by those interested parties. The larger group, especially those comprised with some male members, will deter most stalker situations; but not necessarily members of law enforcement. However, more bodies in an already crowded place means more cover for the discreet slight-of-hand placement of promotional materials.

It is also important to note that dropping your promotional literature and getting away cleanly isn’t the end of your troubles though; anyone — business owner, employee, club goer, police officer — can harass and legally pursue you for any number of charges (from morality and obscenity to canvassing and employee rights) via the contact information on your cards, flyers, etc.

If you are certain you can manage to discreetly and safely promote yourself — if you really want to try this, you should know that, like virtual trolling, this real world application of looking for potential clients is more complicated than it sounds. Here are a few other practical points to consider:

* First and foremost, phone sex is legal for adults only and any materials you drop off should only be left at places where only legal adults congregate. Otherwise you and your business are open to solicitation of a minor charges along with those mentioned above.

* Second, consider the targeting of such marketing. Is the place you are papering with promotional materials really where your potential clients are? If not, it’s not effective. Not merely a waste of your time and resources, but it may even be detrimental to your business. (More on target marketing to come.)

Should you find yourself still considering the dropping-off of promotional materials, or otherwise in need of print materials for your phone sex business, you can get cheap printing and even free business cards from places such as VistaPrint and Moo.

The Cardinal Sex Work Rule PSOs Must Know

Those of you who know me — or have at least worked with me — know that I’m always preaching about The Cardinal Rule in sex work: Never Break The Veil Of Fantasy.

Some might argue that it’s not as important as the safety rules, but, frankly, breaking the veil is outing yourself, making you vulnerable to threats. It’s a safety breach.


And breaking the veil will kill your career.

For more on this, see my (first in a series, I believe) guest post at Geisha Diaries: Sex Work: Never Break the Veil of Fantasy.

If your not familiar with Geisha Diaries, it’s the home base for those working in the sex industry, as well as the clients it serves. I’m really proud to be there. And I hope to be contributing more there over time.

UPDATE: 11/20/2015

As Geisha Diaries is revamping their site again (a chronic issue), I am going to post my article below. Note, this is what I sent, not the edited version posted.

Never Break The Veil Of Fantasy

After nearly two decades in sex work, first as an escort and then continuing on as a phone sex operator (PSO), I’ve learned a lot of things. Outside of safety rules, of course, the most important fundamental rule for all sex work is this: Never Break The Veil Of Fantasy.

Your main asset in any form of sex work is your ability to create and deliver the fantasy. Fantasies are the magic potions, the spells — the real charms you wield. They are more powerful than your breasts and other body parts; more powerful than your intellect, your imagination, your skills as a brilliant conversationalist, your knowledge of the Kama Sutra . More powerful than the sum of all those parts.

The fantasy may begin with something physical; your impressive bustline, for example. The fantasy may begin with something real; such as your dominant personality.  But the whole fantasy isn’t complete until you develop a person, a character or persona, which embodies all the things such fantasies are about to deliver it.

These fantasies live, like genies in bottles, in the private spaces you and your clients inhabit together, be it hotel rooms, the airwaves of phone calls, or digital places you communicate. Together in those spaces you initiate those intimate fantasies with your persona — not only at the client’s request, but at his belief. These fantasies are delivered by your character and brought to life not only by you but via the power of the erotic wishes of the client who opts to believe in your character.

Like any film, literary work, or other form of entertainment, sex work relies on the willing suspension of disbelief. Whether or not you feel part of the responsibility to make this work lies in the person being entertained (i.e. the client) or not, you must agree that the storyteller, the fantasy creator, must do all she can to assist in the process; slipping out of character, even for a moment, creates continuity errors, plot holes, lapses in belief — and *poof* the spell is broken.

This “Never Break The Veil Of Fantasy” rule is equally applicable to all areas of adult entertainment — but no where have I found it more broken than in the area of phone sex.

I know many PSOs, some of whom claim to be quite successful, who readily acknowledge on their sites, in forums, and to callers, that they have multiple phone sex characters or accounts. I suppose this is their way of professing their skills… But as this business is cemented in fantasy, I would never risk ruining the illusion of a “tiny teen” by saying you are also a “horny housewife MILF” and a “BBW queen.” It ruins all the fantasies (not to mention marketing and SEO).

And it leaves me wondering how much more successful those girls would be if they didn’t out themselves, didn’t break the veil of fantasy.

The crafting of such a professional sex work persona takes a lot of work; destroying it is not only a shame in terms of wasted effort, but it kills your business.

Break character, and, one by one, clients will drop you — yes, even the very clients who begged you to give them a glimpse beyond the veil, who begged and demanded that you tell them more about the real you, will leave you. They have to because they can no longer believe in the fantasy.

The truth is, once you break that fantasy you can never put that genie back in the bottle — because you’ve shattered the bottle, ruined the illusion, put an end to the suspension of disbelief.

You can go ahead and try again; cultivate another phone sex personality, escort identity, or sex worker persona. (And I mean really begin anew because transferring feedback, ratings, etc. of an old personality; using the same phone number or contact method; using the same photographs; etc. is a trail for your former disillusioned clients as well as potential new clients to follow, which prevents a new veil from being created.)  But this is all much harder to overcome.

Expensive too. For in sex work, just as any other business, it is cheaper to retain a customer than to cultivate a new one.  And finding new clients will be difficult because your reputation will be ruined.

So, no matter how much he begs and whines; no matter how much he demands, cajoles, or professes to know otherwise about you; stay in character. Never, Ever, Break The Veil Of Fantasy.

Protecting Your Photos & Images

Just as you do not have the right to help yourself to any photos you find online, no one has the right to use yours — but policing and protecting your images can be costly in terms of both time and money. To protect your images, put your name and/or URL in text on your images or use watermarks — especially on those displayed on your profile, at your blog, etc. That way, if anyone “borrows” your images, they are promoting you and your services.

If you aren’t proficient at Photoshop or other digital image tools, you can upload your image and add a watermark here for free.

Can I Advertise Phone Sex On Craig’s List?

Can I post on Craigslist?
Can I post on Craigslist’s newest site?

As of September 3, 2010, Craigslist bowed to pressure and ended their Adult Services classified’s section — and that was the “new” Craig’s List option as prior to that, such classifieds were listed at “Erotic Services.”

There is no new Craigslist site.

Can I still place an ad for my perfectly-legal phone sex services on Craigslist?
Can I sneak in ads on Craigslist?
Is it safe for me to place ads at Craigslist?

If you take the time to really read the policies and FAQs at Craigslist, you’ll quickly discover the following under “can I” and “where can I” post an ad for my services/business:

We accept ads for services offered ONLY under “services offered.”

You are welcome to advertise your services there.

Services ads submitted to categories outside of “services offered” are subject to removal and other remedial steps.

However, as noted above, Craigslist no longer has any adult or erotic service category, so your phone sex ad is not welcome.

And don’t think you can safely post your ad to any of the personal ad listings either. Clicking into any of these areas, from “women seeking men” to “casual encounters,” you’ll not only see but need to agree to proceed the following:

SCAM ALERT – scammers posing as potential romantic partners are directing CL users to age and identity verification sites, dating/adult/cam sites (where you can see their “pics” or chat with them), even sites designed to deliver malware — all in hopes of earning affiliate marketing commissions at your expense.

FUN FACT: Reporting a scammer’s “affiliate ID” to their affiliate marketing program often results in confiscation of the scammer’s ill-gotten gains by the affiliate program.

Don’t kid yourselves that just because phone sex isn’t expressly listed that it’s OK; it’s pretty clear from the language used here, as well as the very clear policy on classified ads for services (noted above) and top reasons your listing and account may be flagged, it’s not:

top reasons postings are removed: contains pornographic images or links to a porn website – images and other content which are legally questionable should not be posted on the site

If the folks at Craigslist are willing to turn in scamming affiliates, they might just turn you into your billing platform or otherwise make your life miserable. Even if they don’t want to, they are under watch and so they might have to report you if asked. Not to mention the number of unscrupulous individuals who might try to take advantage of your non-favorable position at the site, blackmailing you with screenshots and other evidence of your gamble, such as your phone number, etc..

Your phone sex ad is not welcome at Craigslist; it’s not safe to do business there.