Category Archives: Sex

Today’s Phone Sex Tips: On Crossdressing & Lingerie Fetishes

Lingerie blogger A Slip Of A Girl has recently become a phone sex operator, specializing, of course, in lingerie fetish calls and crossdressing. She’s written a great introductory primer on crossdressing which even moderately experienced PSOs will likely find useful.

Today’s Phone Sex Tool Tip: Vibrators

Vibrators are a phone sex operator’s best friends. While not as vital to the business as an actual phone, sex toys run a close second.

Personally, I have a big old box full of vibrators and dildos (one for every itch I want to scratch *wink*), and they come in handy professionally too.

I recommend vibrators over dildos because vibes make noise — very important over the phone. And you can suck a vibe as well as a dildo too. But certainly dildos have their place. (Or places, depending on how stuffed you and your callers want you to be!)

If you’re only willing to invest in one sex toy for your phone sex business, I can’t recommend The Hitachi Wand enough.

Not only is it my favorite toy for personal use, but The Hitachi has a roar that’s really audible, even when it’s in use away from your headset. Plus, this powerhorse vibe plugs into the wall, so your batteries won’t die in the middle of a call.

For those PSOs who know the full value of keeping their hands free, there’s also the Liberator Axis Hitachi Toy Mount. (Yes, there are color options.)

If the investment seems high, many PSOs can earn one or have the items pay for themselves in just one call. Or, you can have a client gift you the pair — just wait for him to use it so he can be the first to share the experience!

BDSM Phone Sex Fantasy Basics

BDSM is a really huge umbrella covering a number of very large umbrellas. BDSM is a compound acronym derived from several terms: bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M).

One reason BDSM phone sex fantasy play is so popular is that the play is limitless. There’s no real threat… No pain threshold or risk of doing real damage, so you don’t need to know what you’re doing. No marks for anyone to hide from family, friends, coworkers. No extreme too extreme — it’s all in your mind.

There are as many facets to BDSM as to those who fantasize or practice such activities, resulting in nearly as many websites and books covering (or exposing) them. So it really doesn’t make any sense for me to try to replicate any of them. What I can do, however, is try to break down a few points for the practicing PSO (and caller) to consider.

First, a bit of a primer for those not familiar with some of the fundamentals…

The “top” or dominant (in phone sex work, often called the Domme, Fem Dom, or Mistress) is the person in the role that often involves inflicting pain, degradation, humiliation, or subjugation to the “bottom” or submissive (often called the sub or slave, among other things) who submits voluntarily. Although the top usually is the dominant lead, it is not always so…

Sometimes the dominant “tops” the submissive expressly the way the submissive wishes. This is called “topping from the bottom” and in many BDSM circles it is highly debated in terms of its Truth and/or acceptability. To the extent that anyone paying for BDSM play is a client — a client who selects the service and therefore somewhat directs it, the lines here are murky at best for most BDSM purists.

Being a “switch” is someone who switches back and forth between top and bottom roles. (It is one of the most difficult phone sex services to market. I’m not saying it can’t be done, that it can’t be lucrative; I’m saying it is more difficult than picking one “side” to specialize in. Most male subs prefer to be dominated by a “true” dominant female and most dominant male phone callers prefer not to feel challenged.)

From a professional point of view, taking a No Topping From The Bottom stance has consequences. If you say, “You can’t say no to me about anything,” you market yourself firmly — but know the following:

* You will be expected to lead the call, which puts more pressure on you right from the start.

* The submissive caller can hang-up, walk out, any time they want. This can and will result in short(er) calls and, often, bad feedback (ratings, referrals, complaints, etc.).

Submissive PSOs, you always retain the right to draw lines at what you will and will not do, just like the femdom phone sex operators do. You have the right to refuse submissive fantasy phone play if it is against TOS — including your own terms of service.

Callers:

Callers, saying you are a submissive, sub, etc. is not enough information for even the best PSO to operate off of. Being submissive is a wide open field, open to subjective interpretation. The PSO cannot read your mind and know just what that means to you. Even saying you are “very kinky” or into “extreme twisted play” is nearly meaningless to those of us who have been around the block before. We don’t want to frighten you off, creep you out, turn you off or otherwise scare you away, so most of us err on the side of caution and hope you’ll give us more information. Tell us you want to be humiliated for the size of your small penis. Tell us you want to be caught with our panties and blackmailed into serving as a sissy maid at our next party. Tell us if you want to be kept in a dog crate; if you want to be spanked, smothered, etc.

If you’re a Dominant man, the same goes for you; tell your PSO the sorts of things you expect to do to her.

Complaints, bad feedback, etc. should never be given when you, the caller, resist or refuse to take responsibility for your own participation in the call.

A Phone Sex Caller May Be A Perv, But He’s Not Just Any Perv

There are differences between phone sex callers, erotica readers, viewers of porn videos, subscribers to Internet porn sites, those who go to strip clubs, those who use pay for the companionship of escorts, those who pay for services of real world dungeons, etc. Even if all these services fall into the same perverted niche, say a BDSM or foot fetish itch, the “perv” has selected the specific service for scratching his niche-itch because of its unique method of delivery.

It is a mistake to think that a client opts for a book, DVD, or website subscription simply because it’s cheaper than hiring a prostitute; that phone sex is used only because the guy can’t afford a hooker; that the guy is a loner or loser unable to get sex for free. (It’s also a mistake to think that he seeks any or all of these sexual fantasy materials because he’s not getting it at home; more on that another time.) As with sex toys, the goal may be the same, but the spots each service or form of entertainment reach are different.

The easiest example to illustrate this — and one that is often confused as a threat to the phone sex industry — is webcam sex.

When the webcam sex business hit the Internet, many in the phone sex industry began to wring their hands, fearing that it would silence the rings of their phones. But it didn’t.

Why not?

Because visual stimulation is completely different than audio stimulation.

Yes, even though we are repeatedly told — and made witness to — the fact that men are very visual creatures, images and videos are not the only way to his dick.

There are many ways to generate human arousal, and men are not immune to them. In fact, part of their lust for variety stems from the desire to be aroused in other ways.

This is why a man may have a chest full of videos, a stack of men’s magazines, a large monthly phone sex bill — and a very active and satisfying sex life with his wife.

But then too, just as we all do, any individual may have a means of arousal that is preferred above all others. Like a favorite meal at a restaurant, he may return to his favorite erotic entertainment form because it never fails to satisfy. For many men, this favored feast is professional phone sex.

God bless ’em, I say. *wink*

Phone Sex Fantasy Worries & Hang-Ups

I haven’t discussed much about the actual “sex” in phone sex, yet; and what I have said may be more than a little overwhelming. So let me clarify a few things for beginners…

Whether your phone sex session is based on an erotic masturbatory session, a theoretical discussion, or a more personal counseling type of conversation, you will be exposed to a wide variety of sexual fantasies and fetishes.

It doesn’t matter if your phone sex character or listing is clearly stated to be limited to specific fantasies or niches or not; you will hear lots of different fantasies. In fact, the more limited your niche, fetish, or focus, the more surprised you might be to discover the depth and breadth of what you thought was quite a narrow specialty. And, of course, there are always those callers who seem immune to the rules, whether they be your individual offerings, the company rules, or legal constraints.

In other words, be prepared to hear everything, even if you have clear limits.

If you have a lot of emotional or mental hang-ups about sex, this isn’t the business to be in.

What happens if the caller is pushing the limits, breaking the rules?

While in many ways, the old adage, “The customer is always right!” holds true in phone sex work, you are not obligated — ever — to break the law. Providing good customer service is important, but never feel uncomfortable telling the caller when a topic is illegal. Usually, a polite, but firm, “I’m sorry, but we cannot talk about that,” followed by a sultry invitation to some other sort of play is all that is needed.

But, if the caller insists or otherwise frightens you, you should do two things: 1) hang up, and 2) report the caller to dispatch (or other company contact) so that they may take any appropriate legal actions. Inform them as soon as possible, while the data and info necessary is still easily accessible.

The same is rather true of callers who insist in conversations which are explicitly off limits due to the terms of service (TOS) of the phone sex company or, for independents, platforms and service providers you have agreements with. In these cases, dispatchers, billing, etc., may take action by adding the name to “the list” (which involves further investigations, warning, or, at the very least, no longer connecting those calls to you) or even blocking clients entirely from any and all future services.


But what if the topic isn’t illegal, or against TOS — it’s “just plain icky?”

Unless you work for a really bad phone sex service, you shouldn’t be forced to perform or participate in sex fantasies which upset or sicken you. (And if you do work for that sort of company — quit!  It’s not worth it.) This, however, should not be confused with fantasies which just don’t turn you on.

In cases where the fantasy doesn’t arouse you, you’ll just have to fake it and do the work — with a smile. Just like any other person with a customer service job. While there are many phone sex calls which do offer the opportunity for mutual masturbation, not every one will — and it’s not a requirement for a call or even a satisfactory call. In fact, many PSOs will tell you, some of their best work is done when they are not turned on themselves. Not being lost in the moment, distracted by their own erotic needs, means they are better able to focus on the needs of clients. And that’s what your job is: to deliver the fantasy service your caller wants.

What if I’m not good at talking about what he wants?

There will be times that, for whatever reason, you just aren’t any good at certain kinds of calls. Maybe you even like the scenes, but cannot lead and create the stories yourself. Maybe you can’t fully engage callers who seek a discussion, not an erotic time. Or maybe you don’t know what you’re doing wrong, but whenever you have a call on that topic, your call average takes a nosedive or your feedback is terrible. Whatever it is, you have a problem.

A smart professional phone sex provider knows that her bread is buttered best by her good performances. Good performances lead to longer calls, which means more money. And, for independents and those working for companies where they can be requested by callers, consistent hot calls lead to repeat and even regular callers. (As any business person will tell you, keeping a customer is less expensive than trolling for new ones.)

To that extent, a PSO who has a problem with a topic, fetish etc. does her best to problem solve. Perhaps she needs to research the subject, read erotica, get advice from a fellow PSO… Or, at the very least, she should inform dispatch not to send her those calls. (And if she’s independent, she’s best-off informing a caller that his happy ending lies elsewhere — providing a referral, if at all possible.)

For those professionals who do not have the option to redirect a caller, or who must otherwise endure a call while they improve their skills, they must choose between trying to lead a call on a tangent which will satisfy (or at least intrigue) their caller or politely but honestly inform them that they are not the right PSO for them — and/or be prepared to be hung up on.

Hang-ups, mental blocks and physical call disconnects, happen in this business; PSOs expect a certain, but small, percentage of them.

So You Want To Be A PSO? What You Need To Know About Sex

Continuing along in the What You Need To Know series…

In Part One, we covered how being a phone sex operator is different than talking dirty with your own lover. However, it still is talking about sex.

A lot of different forms of sex and fetishes.

And not always for fantasy reasons either. Or at least not such obvious ones, anyway.

A great number of callers prefer to talk about their fetish or fantasy, but not in terms of role play or an erotic story. Sometimes they prefer to hear about your fantasies. And very often they ask about the fantasies of your other callers.

Some of these calls are more like counseling; callers want reassurance they are “normal.” But many times the caller is getting off on talking about a specific kink, what makes it work, etc. Or they are voyeurs, living through the calls and fantasies of others.

Whether your callers are in need of comfort and understanding, want to get off listing to what gets others off, or desire erotic role play entertainment, a PSO needs to understand and be comfortable discussing the wide range of human sexuality. You’ll need to know a lot about basic sex, kinky sex, fetishes — and how each affects the mightiest of all sex organs, the brain. Since you won’t actually be able to pick up a limp dick and suck it to life, you’ll need to know how to use your words to stroke the caller’s brain and get him hard or interested in stroking his own cock. This includes knowing when to be “shocked” so as to feed their fantasies.

If it sounds like a tall order that’s because it is.

So start reading and learning all you can about human sexuality. (I’ve listed some books in the Phone Sex Secrets Store and I’ll be adding more too.) Even “taboos” and sex you don’t find particularly arousing. Because you will run into it.

Once you feel you have a pretty good understanding of human sexuality from a clinical or psychological point of view, you now need to take a look at it from an erotic one; read erotic works. Don’t forget to read erotica and fiction that’s outside your personal sexual comfort zone.

While you’re reading, try to notice when and how an author is using points you read in your non-fiction human sexuality reading — manipulating specific hot spots via the story telling.

Then go back and read some more human sexuality books. Then more erotic fiction. Even the most experienced phone sex operators know the value of such reading and do so as continuing education for their career.

While a lot of this reading can be done on the web, often for free, I do suggest getting a few paperbacks too. This way you can make notes easily. And when you find yourself with a regular caller with a specific fetish or kink, you’ll have some reference to refer to as needed. (Most of us do not make the most of our online bookmark organization to find what we need to find fast.)