Tag Archives: culture

How To Deal With SESTA FOSTA

A few days ago, SESTA / FOSTA passed, creating dismay and fear within the sex worker community. While it appears that phone sex operatorsindie clip makers, and cam performers are not the target of the legislation, there are likely to be some changes for those providers too. Not just because the law is poorly written – and destined to hurt those they say they are protecting – but because the law is aimed at online platforms. Many sites are already taking action. Some are disappearing sections of the sites; some sites have entirely disappeared. And it is clear from the folks behind the law, that this is aimed not just at paid sexual encounters – but at sex itself.

Since the passage of the legislation, I have been compiling and sharing news and tips at the Phone Sex Secrets Twitter account. As that account is *knocks wood* not dealing with Twitter Shadowbanning, I hope I am signal boosting facts and tips for sex workers. Along with the retweets, I’ve been sharing some tips myself. But since shadowbanning is a real thing, because not everyone uses Twitter — and because this legislation is targeting online sites, I realize tweets may not be safe. So I am going to post a number of helpful links and tips here.

Three of the most practical threads on Twitter were from Lamina Vua, HarlotAdvocate, & Liara Roux. The Harlot Advocate’s thread has been preserved at Fairy Whore Mother. Liara Roux’s thread has been posted at Tits & Sass, so you can read it there. Lamina Vua’s thread, screen-shot images, are presented here so they do not get lost.

My tips:

#1 Make a list of trusted Twitter accounts — and follow them, so even if they are shadowbanned you can see their pages. Also on that list, include URL – so you can find them, even when they are shadowbanned & do not show up in searches (either by name or hastag).

#2 Do the same with their websites & contact info so that if they (or you!) are deleted from Twitter, you have a method of connecting.

#3 Keep a list of trusted publications & resources (i.e. organizations, not persons) which you can count on for industry news. One such place for this issue would be Survivors Against Sesta.

Additionally…

I recommend continuing to tweet and be active on the platform sites you are using so that clients can continue to find you — especially if you are moving to other platforms, etc., and wish for clients to be able to find you.

I also have threads & posts which you can share with clients. I know I recently advised against being too negative or sharing too much activism — but this is one of those times when it is worthy of mentioning actions clients can and should take. It helps them to continue to support you. (And sometimes sharing what someone else wrote removes the “sting” of negativity a bit!)

Both the thread on Twitter and the much more in-depth post on Tumblr are written specifically for clients — both in terms of education and actions they ought to take.

***

Is this your first time here? You may wish to read this post and my Statement Of Purpose asap!

Even if you’ve been here before, you may have missed the new additions to the site:

New, easier to schedule consultations, coaching, & tutoring sessions page!
A concise listing of all my instantly downloadable phone sex whitepaper guides!
A list of my most popular other services for PSOs — including rates and buy now options!

Viceland & Slutever’s Beginner’s Guide To Camming

Last week, a promo for an episode of Viceland’s Slutever show went around on Twitter, causing quite a bit of upset. The promo tweet was for a Slutever episode (Season 1; Episode 6) on cam girls – and what was shown had many camgirls up in arms about the lack of sex positivity & whorearchy – if not outright whorephobia.

Unfortunately, like many movie trailers and television promos, the clips shown are removed from their context — a practice which does a huge disservice to the audience. And, in this case, was deemed harmful to cam performers themselves. Because I know this is often the case, I refrained from comment until I watched the episode in question.

As most readers, followers, and clients know, I’m not a cam performer; but in watching the Slutever cam girls episode, I was able to get some context for the “upsetting” promo-tweet. And as I suspected, it was not as bad as it seemed.

It’s of paramount importance to note that while the Cam Girl Boot Camp Trainer, Lilia Zavala,  of LA’s Studio 20 did correct the show’s host, Karley Sciortino aka @Slutever, about being “classy” and neither showing nor saying ‘cunt’  — Zavala did so in terms of training within the confines of Studio 20’s brand. (FYI, Studio 20 is based in Romania.)

Such things were not a statement or condemnation of women or cam performers who opt to use the word “cunt” or show it off. It was simply a matter of Studio 20’s cam girl brand being more about playful tease than other more explicit or direct forms of adult entertainment. This is what brands do. They differentiate themselves in the marketplace. And, as seen earlier in the show, there are more graphic & direct cam girl offerings presented – without any judgment.  As Zavala herself noted, “There are other platforms they go to for that. But this particular website I work with is very classy.”

So bitching about that one point of view — out of context — should stop. Ideally, it never would have happened — context is always important! (Personally, I think the selected bits were to showcase the hostess’ “slut” image.)

The Case Of The Misunderstood Promo is now solved. But I’m not done yet. Since I watched the whole show, I have a few other comments to make.

Some of the cam girl’s comments on the popularity and future of camming included noting that camming is “interactive,” “personal,” and “more of a reality show than porn – my reality porn.” Rather common — and spot on. At least for those who prefer visual adult entertainment.

As Andra, PR Manager at Studio 20, noted, camming’s not all about being a traditional beauty aka cis, white, blonde, Barbie image. “She needs to be fun, be smart. It doesn’t matter if she’s white, black, chubby, skinny, big boobs, small boobs, because we found out that in this business everybody’s somebody’s type.”

Amen.

When asked if most cam sessions result in something sexual happening, Andra at Studio 20 noted that about 60% of the time it does. (Yup, that means 40% of the time it is not.) Andra also noted that the draw of camming is building a relationship — and she feels this will only grow as ” a lot of people don’t have the time or want relationships in real life nowadays.”

Sciortino seems surprised.

(Honestly, after so many decades in sex work, I am continually shocked and amazed at people who are shocked and amazed to discover that sex work is a lot like being a therapist or at least simply providing companionship. I should no longer be surprised by this response; but I continue to be!)

At Studio 20 L.A., we meet a top banking, fulltime cam girl, Nikita Banx (@nikitabanx on Twitter). She says the top two interests or kinks she sees are feet and small penis humiliation (sph). She also points out that she’s on cam for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week.

This is when Slutever/Sciortino realizes just how broad the job of being a cam girl is. “You have to be a therapist, you have to be sexy, you have to be like a girlfriend, but you also have to be like a dominatrix if someone wants it.”

To which Andra replies, “You have to be a woman. That’s all in the job.”

(Which might just be my favorite bit from the show! All the labor women provide that sex workers are savvy enough to profit from!)

The show’s host responds, “This is stressful.”

And Sciortino hasn’t even realized yet that girls at Studio 20 don’t have to take care of as much of the business side of things, including marketing, as that’s what Studio 20’s 50% – yes, 50% – take covers.

That’s the corporate camming side of things. Now the show delves into the indie side of camming.

We are now meet Ona Artist (@OnaArtist on Twitter), a woman who started her cam career on Instagram. One day, she posted a butt pic — and her world changed. Here, it is worthy of mentioning, that we are introduced to Ona as a professional photographer is taking photos of her. In other words, she spends money to make that money. It’s not just selfies which create the fame and popularity of over a million followers. No matter how great your ass is. What Artist says is that you need “photos that pop, photos that really hit the algorithm well.” And they don’t just take themselves. Clearly, Ona knows how to work the social media system.

To this, Slutever/Sciortino responds, “Wow. Being a cam girl is like a lot of work randomly.”

Randomly?!

Uh, whatever.

It’s a business. That’s not so random.

But then Slutever/Sciortino redeems herself. She says she has respect for Ona and cam girls and their “slutty industriousness.”

Slutever/Sciortino asks, “Do you think that camming is the future of pornography?”

Ona Artist responds, “Yes I think it’s the future – I think it’s already here, actually.”

Now Slutever/Sciortino wonders what that means for “us, the horny masses.”

So our hostess interviews Dr. Melinda Chateauvert aka The Whorestorian (@whorestorian on Twitter), author of Sex Workers Unite! A History of the Movement from Stonewall to SlutWalk.

Slutever/Sciortino asks about the popularity of camming in adult entertainment.

Melinda “Mindy” Chateauvert responds, “I think that camming has been popular for a long time and I think that the rise of camming was aided by not only changes in technology, and the fact  that  a lot of women who were interested in camming could do it by themselves, but also for a lot of women this was a safe way of doing sex work but not actually having contact with clients.”

Since Chateauvert isn’t into slut-shaming or any of that crap, I take this simply as a fact. Some simply do not wish to be hands-on, full-service sex workers. And that’s OK. Sex work — and the type of it — is a choice.

Chateauvert is also asked if camming will replace pornography. “I think it is very separate. It’s a different kind of performance but I don’t think one will replace the other.”

(I feel the same way about phone sex. It is different, it is its own thing. One doesn’t necessarily replace the other because there are unique aspects and connections to each form of entertainment.)

But back to Slutever and Chateauvert as they discuss the ever-surprising notion of not masturbating but “just talking with a sex worker.”

Chateauvert, The Whorestorian, says, “People want to have someone who they think they can talk to about things that they may not want to share with a person they consider respectable.”

Slutever thinks she’s catching on, and tentatively asks,”So in a way, the sex worker is non-judgemental because they’re in a position which is like sort of seedy…”

Chateauvert clarifies. “Right. I mean their view is a sex worker has experienced everything or knows everything and is not going to make the judgement – and also because we expect sex workers to be confidential and that’s, you know, a super kind of rule number one in the trade is you don’t betray a client’s secrets.”

Absolutely!

After noting the “slutty confessional” nature of camming, Slutever realizes that clients are private about their “voyeurist hobby” (something my survey data supports), — yet we still manage to have a brave male client willing to discuss his camming habit. Well, a bit… Evan, one of Ona Artist’s biggest fans, does share that why he watches. It’s “a little bit of sunshine” during the day, an “escape.” (Which is why I will always caution you about the subjects to blog and tweet about!)

As you might imagine, watching Slutever as she watches Evan watch Ona is more than a bit awkward — thankfully, we jump back to the Whorestorian.

Our hostess asks Dr. Chateauvert, “Do you think that camming will fill in for actual human relationships?”

Kudos for Chateauvert’s reply: “No. I don’t see us going to some sort of sci-fi future where 12 people live in the same room and are only talking to other people via Internet, but I think camming actually facilitates interaction in a way that is much more comfortable and safer and open.”

Ditto many other forms of sex work.

Overall, this specific episode of Viceland’s Slutever, is totally worthy of watching. Even with all my spoilers. *wink* Because, you know, it’s a television show with images — moving images. And because what stood out to me might not be what’s important to you. So do watch it if you’re at all interesting in camming.

Just note that you’ll have to get over the vocal fry of the host (and a few other people).

Is this your first time here? You may wish to read this post and my Statement Of Purpose asap!

Even if you’ve been here before, you may have missed the new additions to the site:

New, easier to schedule consultations, coaching, & tutoring sessions page!
A concise listing of all my instantly downloadable phone sex whitepaper guides!
A list of my most popular other services for PSOs — including rates and buy now options!

Yes, I am on Twitter! @PhoneSexSecrets

Are You Trying To Make Money In Phone Sex, Or Be An Advocate?

Yes, I know this post is going to anger some folks — but only if they don’t really take the time to read & digest it.

So here’s your warning: Pause, take a breath, read for comprehension, and see if this A) may apply to you & B) whether or not you feel it impacts you enough to do anything about it.

***

For the past few months, I’ve been hearing from a number of my PSO clients that they feel that call volume has slowed down &/or that they’ve been getting fewer new clients. There can be a number of reasons for this, of course. But when I take a look at their blogs and Twitter accounts, I see a pattern…

Simply put, there’s a lot of ranting & raving, wailing & hair-pulling, going on. Not only in the content phone sex operators are creating, but the content they are sharing as well. And all of this intense energy (be it negative or advocacy) is contrary to the notions of entertainment — which is, at its most simple, activity which provides pleasure and delight, an escape or respite from reality.

Yes, this past year or more has been a tumultuous period — especially if you are a woman, a person of color, LBGT+, or any other minority or marginalized group… Or if you just need something as basic as health care. And all this definitely includes sex workers. I also understand how all the current political and economic environment produces stress which negatively impacts mental health, among other things. I get it. All of it. Beleive me. I’ve even written about this for clients to hip them to the realities of our lives.

Yes, there are times when it makes sense to educate clients. And there are times to alert clients to actions they can and should take as a citizen, as an ally. There are absolutely issues, situations, and the like which should be voiced by you to the followers you have cultivated.

But when your blog, your Twitter — your brand — comes across like as a constant stream of anger, upset, or ire; when it makes you sound like a sad-sack; when it reads like a to-do list of political actions and civic duties; you are going to lose client interest and potential customers both. And all these words you’re using? They are read by search engines too; which means you are messing up your SEO as well.

For those of you who say, “If they don’t agree with me politically, I don’t want to deal with them anyway! — or something similar — let me tell you, you are equally as likely to turn off like-minded individuals.

Why?

Because, again, paying phone sex callers are looking for fun, for pleasure — for an escape from the daily grind! It’s exhausting for all of us. Clients pay for entertainment, including adult services, to escape.

Now, I’m not saying, “You can’t blog, tweet, or talk about anything negative or important.” I’m just saying that if you feel your income is suffering, if you fear your economic livelihood is threatened, then you ought to look over your online presence and access whether or not it may be turning clients and potential clients off.

Nor am I saying, “You are not allowed to be a person or to express yourself.” I’m just asking you to consider whether your need to express yourself is getting in the way of your marketing plan and financial goals.

If you feel that you need to express more often, if you feel you need to point out what’s wrong, what needs to be done, get yourself another blog &/or Twitter account upon which to vent, educate, and represent your activism, converse regularly with the movement(s) of your choice. That’s what many of us do, myself included.

I know how easy it can be to fall into the ranting trap. I really do. Often, such rant-tweets are the most popular tweets we can make! This is because other sex workers will often jump in with retweets or add comments. But other sex workers are not our target audience. If you forget who you are trying to reach, i.e. fans, loyal clients, and potential callers, then you can quickly find yourself losing that audience — and the related income.

Ask yourself, are you trying to make money in phone sex, or be an advocate for a cause or movement?

If it’s the former, take a few minutes, look over your online accounts, and ask yourself if your actions are supporting that endeavor.

***

Is this your first time here? You may wish to read this post and my Statement Of Purpose asap!

Even if you’ve been here before, you may have missed the new additions to the site:

New, easier to schedule consultations, coaching, & tutoring sessions page!
A concise listing of all my instantly downloadable phone sex whitepaper guides!
A list of my most popular other services for PSOs — including rates and buy now options!

What Are You Reading? (Or: Self-Employment Means Self-Education)

Everyone always talks about how mainstream can (& has!) taken it’s business cues from the adult industry in terms of both marketing and tech innovations. But it works the other way too.

I don’t just mean overly general “how to market your business,” “blogging,” “tech,” or “social media” articles either. Yes, those are perfectly fine; much of that general information can apply to what PSOs need to do for their businesses too. (So long as you read or listen to such things aware of how the potential censorship will limit or impact your adult business.) But also look to other specific industries as they relate to your business.

Selling newsletter, content, or website subscriptions? Look at the publishing industry.

Need help converting your listings? Read about landing pages & copywriting.

Want to sell more pay-to-views, audio recordings, clips, etc.? Read articles about retail & online commerce.

Know your target audience? Read articles about selling to those specific demographics.

Remember, phone sex is not only part of the adult industry, but the service industry as well. Discover how the service industry is surviving and even thriving in the Internet age.

What other industries or market do you feel align with your brand? Luxury? Hospitality? Entertainment? Education? Read up on them for tips on connecting with your target market. Expand your reading areas and you’ll expand your knowledge base — and when you test or implement those ideas you can expand your business reach and profits too. You might even discover new possibilities for services to offer or be inspired to create a new niche for yourself!

I spend roughly 10 hours a week reading business materials (or listening to podcasts) across a wide spectrum of industries. Aand that’s not including any reading I do for sex education — or the occasional book for personal enjoyment (I wish I had more time for the latter!) Some of what I consume shows up in my tweets (@PhoneSexSecrets). But don’t just count on me or who I follow on Twitter. (I do have a secret mainstream Twitter as well; you might want to do that too to connect with mainstream folks!) Investigate & read on your own too. Such investments in time will be worth it.

Is this your first time here? You may wish to read this post and my Statement Of Purpose asap!

Even if you’ve been here before, you may have missed the new additions to the site:

New, easier to schedule consultations, coaching, & tutoring sessions page!
A concise listing of all my instantly downloadable phone sex whitepaper guides!
A list of my most popular other services for PSOs — including rates and buy now options!

 

Shadowbanned On Twitter? What You Need To Know

With the recent changes to Twitter policies, more and more folks are concerned about the so-called shadowbanning. Shadowbanning, also known as stealth banning or ghosting, is when your tweets are hidden from conversations aka hashtag searches. In other words, your Twitter account is visible, all the tweets can be seen – except when a person clicks a hashtag and your tweet (including the hash, of course) is not to be found. Similarly, your tweets will not show up in threads and conversations. All of this naturally neutralizes your ability to be found and therefore participate in conversations.

Other nasty side effects of being shadowbanned include not having notifications of your @ mentions delivered to the account you mention, your own account not showing up in searches for it, and your most recent images not being shown in the most recent grid, etc..

It should be noted that Twitter is not the only social media site or digital community to use shadowbanning; it’s just that Twitter has been the largest social media site remaining open to adult folks, so its shadowbanning impacts us the most.

Shadowbanning has a long history of use. Originally, it was used in online communities to keep spammers at bay — without tipping them off that they were being subtly blocked. It is designed to ban the comments of specific users whilst keeping the user ignorant that they have been banned.

Since shadowbanning is designed to keep the banned in the shadows of knowledge, not even knowing they have been so banned, you might have to use a tool to discover it for yourself. Here’s a free way to do that.

How does shadowbanning happen?

It appears one of the primary ways your tweets can be shadowbanned are the dreaded sending of “reports” of tweets. While based on user reports, Twitter then uses artificial intelligence (AI) to attempt to discern things, such as mature or controversial topics, which get other users to report, mute, or block an account.

It’s important to note that there’s no human judgment made here. Hence the additional concerns with new Twitter policies regarding sex. As noted at YNOT:

The sections dealing with non-consensual nudity and unwanted sexual advances may be the most relevant to the adult entertainment industry. As Starr himself admitted in the email, entire porn genres are dedicated to non-consent and stalker fantasies. Nevertheless, Twitter has expanded its definition of non-consensual nudity “to more broadly include content like upskirt imagery, ‘creep shots,’ and hidden camera content,” Starr wrote.

“We will immediately and permanently suspend any account we identify as the original poster/source of non-consensual nudity and/or if a user makes it clear they are intentionally posting said content to harass their target,” Starr stated in the email. “We will do a full account review whenever we receive a Tweet-level report about non-consensual nudity. If the account appears to be dedicated to posting non-consensual nudity then we will suspend the entire account immediately.”

Starr also noted it’s nearly impossible for Twitter to distinguish between real and faux non-consensual nudity, so “[w]e would rather error [sic] on the side of protecting victims and removing this type of content when we become aware of it.”

In a departure from previous policy, Twitter’s safety team will not require a report from an alleged victim before suspending an account for non-consensual content. Adult industry companies that produce non-consent fantasy material need to be aware the proposed new policy could be weaponized by anti-porn activists, competitors, dissatisfied customers and people who simply enjoy creating drama.

These new policies are ambiguous and subjective enough — without trading human involvement for AI. Yet, even if your account is not shut down for dealing with such (or similar) fantasy material, reports (complaints) — especially multiple reports — could lead to your account being shadowbanned. And since the act of shadowbanning users is to keep them in the dark about it, Twitter offers no official help.

Shadow banning, it should be noted, happens to mainstream folks too. And it’s here that we may find the solution to shadowbanning on Twitter. Tania (of When Tania Talks) reports on a tip from Milly (of Mini Adventures) that seems to work:

So what was this genius idea? Well, apparently the world revolves around money. Milly found that by contacting the Twitter Ads team and suggesting that she wanted to place an ad, but her hashtags weren’t working resulted in her Twitter shadowban being lifted. This was done within two hours of contacting the Twitter Ads team.

Apparently, just asking about the situation — not actually paying for ads — works. (Though, if you are shadowbanned, even paying for ads might be a worthy solution!) Though it should be noted that many adult accounts won’t be able to buy Twitter ads, if you’re stuck in shadowbanned land on Twitter it may be worth giving this a try. (At least you could open a dialogue.)

You can check here & here for more tips on dealing with Twitter shadowbans on my Twitter.

All of this shadowbanning — and general signs of the pornocalypse — is just additional proof to me that one needs a website of their very own. Yes, participate on other sites, playing by their rules. But never be entirely dependant on the practices, policies, and whims of another site.

UPDATE: 3/24/2018 New post with documentation and updated tips!

Important! More NiteFlirt Policy Changes

I tweeted about this earlier today; but if you PSOs (“Flirts”) logged in at NF today, you likely saw this notice about changes in terms of service (TOS) policies at the phone sex platform site:

Please note that NiteFlirt does not permit the following content:
Explicit or suggested willingness to violate NiteFlirt’s policies such as “no taboos” and “no limits”
Non-consensual content
Blood play
Needle play
Knife play
Abduction fantasies
Forced intoxication

Please remove any content relating to these topics before next Monday. On Tuesday, February 28, we will be removing all listings, profiles, and Goody Bags containing this content.
For more about NiteFlirt’s policies, see Play Fair Basics. Please join us in the forums for more information if you have comments and questions.

Annoyingly, the link to the forum link doesn’t really work; like most direct links to any forum post, you get bounced to the main forum page & have to search or scroll for it. Thankfully, it is a “starred” or “pinned” thread, entitled “Policy Changes – Please read!”.

The main post is as follows:

As of today, NiteFlirt will no longer permit the following:

  • Explicit or suggested willingness to violate NiteFlirt’s policies such as “no taboos,” “no restrictions,” and “no limits”
  • Non-consensual content
  • Blood play
  • Needle play
  • Knife play
  • Abduction fantasies
  • Forced intoxication

If you have any content relating to these topics we ask that you please remove it before Tuesday, Feb. 28. On Tuesday, we will unaccept all listings, profiles, and Goody Bags containing this content.

You’ll note we are prohibiting the popular terminology of “no taboos.” As many of you have pointed out, “no taboos” suggests that a Flirt is willing to violate our policies and therefore engage in content we do not permit (even if that is often not the intent). By prohibiting this content, and other content that suggests you are willing to circumvent our policies, we make great strides in ensuring NiteFlirt remains a safe place for you to run your business and we minimize the requests for prohibited content that you receive from customers.

In that vein, we are also changing the “Anything Goes” category name to “Extra Kinky.” You will see this change in the coming days.

This begs a very obvious question, “Why?” As you may already be aware, FetLife was hit with a huge blow a few weeks ago and are currently unable to process credit cards (you can read more about that here). In order to protect NiteFlirt, our Flirts, and our community as a whole, we have reevaluated our policies and decided to make some changes.

We are happy to engage in a discussion regarding this change, however we ask that you leave politics out of the discussion and remain respectful towards us and your fellow Flirts. While it’s hard to ignore the role that politics plays, let’s make our moms happy and not discuss politics at the dinner table. In addition, we will not comment on the situation at Fetlife or the decisions they have made.

Because tweets, replies, and such can be difficult to follow, I will repeat some tweets with key points in this post — with links to tweets in case you wish to share/participate on Twitter. While I am quickly posting this news regarding NF, I am not part of the company itself; these opinions are my own. And I do recommend logging in and reading the entire forum thread, as Erin is replying to specific questions (along with referring folks to have their profiles, listings, goody items, etc. reviewed by Play Fair).

These changes, as noted, are based largely on what happened at FetLife regarding their credit card processing. As we know, the limits credit card processing companies, merchant accounts, and other financial institutions place on sex workers and the adult industry at large are bullshit creations of censorship and proof of the Pornocalypse. I obviously do not like it; but this is a fact of life & livelihood we have to deal with.

[Unlike NF, I don’t mind political talk; my parents encouraged political talk at the table. However, I just don’t have the time to rant today (I am barely fitting this post in as it is!) So feel free to comment here, on Twitter, etc. regarding the politics an culture of discrimination.]

The main point here is to address issues of consent. I know it’s particularly silly when this is fantasy talk between consenting partners, a caller and a phone sex operator. But people (in this case, financial institutions) still don’t get how this works. So they try to protect and manage things for us.

[And here I will take a moment to rant. Note that already in the terms of service at NF, one cannot discuss sexual bondage without making it clear that at least one of the submissive’s limbs is not bound. See, there’s to be “no penetration with all four limbs bound.” Which is not only an affront to those of us with rape fantasies, but an insult to those of us who are rape survivors by acting as if one limb was free — or we were not bound at all — we were not really raped!]

But back to the issue at hand here.

NF now instructs all Flirts to remove any references to any abduction or rape fantasies. From the further discussion on the forum, it seems an any forced or coerced scenes, especially those involving penetration are now forbidden. This includes oral penetration, as in “forced intoxication.” However, currently, “forced bi” or “forced feminization” are allowed (apparently as it is seen as “dressing” and role play, not penetration).

Also included in this TOS revision, are matters of skin penetration — including fantasies involving castration, knife & needle play, and any blood play. However, none of this is new as all of it, including menstrual play, has always been off limits.

What is new, is that castration appears prohibited; even if the chemical kind. (Again, this is all fantasy play — no one, no matter how much he begs, actually is castrated. But, it’s thought-police time.)

In order to address the perception that the phrases “no taboos,” “no limits,” “anything goes,” and the like are communicating that PSOs are tossing aside TOS, NF is banning such phases and, presumably, their derivatives. Also, NF is changing the “Anything Goes” category name to “Extra Kinky.” It must be pointed out that “Anything Goes” is currently both a NF category and an NF subcategory; yet it is unclear at this time if this change will affect both the category and the subcategory. [Here, I could get lost in the whole general oddness of NF’s categories… But I won’t.] What matters to Flirts & callers alike is the fact that any properly edited listings in “Anything Goes” will supposedly be automatically changed to the new “Extra Kinky” title — and links to those listings will not be lost. (One assumes hopes this will be done in both the category and the subcategory and via proper redirection. Also, that it will also work seamlessly with the affiliate program.)

What happens if your profile, listing, Goodie, etc. is not properly edited to address these announced changes? They will be marked “unaccepted,” and, like the last time we went through this, using the “red thumbs down icon.” If this is truly how NF proceeds, your listings, at least, can still be found if clients have bookmarked them or have come to them via a direct link on a website, tweet, etc. (Which is, again, why I am always pushing you to have your own website; for clients to bookmark them.) If callers know and dial your direct extension number, lines should also work.

As I said on Twitter, it should be noted that callers will not see any such notice when they login. Nor has the official NF Twitter posted a damn thing about this. Which means, once again, NF is relying on PSOs to communicate the issue & placate customers. This is unfortunate. But savvy Flirts will be on this, ready to address client concerns; even if NF isn’t.

Again, I strongly urge any PSOs using NF to read in the forum, then appraise their profiles, listings, goodies, etc. and edit as necessary. For those who have NF compliant blogs & websites, you’ll likely need to scour and edit them as well. And to do so asap! The cut off date is Tuesday, February 28, 2017; which means Play Fair is going to be very busy, so get in line with any questions right now.

What Influences Phone Sex Caller Decisions?

As The Wall Street Journal reports, “Media consumption habits continue to shift rapidly, with mobile devices, social media, streaming services, and binge-watching redefining the landscape.”

That’s not likely earth-shattering news to you; but what is interesting about Deloitte’s Digital Democracy Survey are the insights you can put to use in terms of marketing your phone sex business. Particularly the fact that for millennials (ages 19-32) recommendations from their social media circle and online reviews now carry more weight than TV advertising.

Most of us cannot afford TV ads anyway. But look at what holds spots #3 & #4 — those are things you can use and leverage! These findings were also seen in the phone sex caller survey results.

According to my phone sex caller survey, phone sex callers most definitely do not make phone sex recommendations to their family & friends. And adult services are definitely limited in terms of what social media can be used. However, you can make the most of client feedback (and phone sex review sites).

While some platform sites, like NF, do not allow you to post or share member names, you can still refer callers & potential callers to your feedback pages via links. If you are lucky enough to have actual clients using social media, they can share their reviews of you — and you can then share them yourself. And you can use good old fashioned testimonials on your phone sex website too.

Call For Interviews: Phone Sex Operators With Disabilities

I’ve been contacted by a reporter for an online publication (with a million monthly readers) who is interested in doing a news story about people with disabilities working as phone sex operators. He is looking to interview PSOs who have physical or mental disabilities for this article.

Because I not only have excellent oral skills, but have rather astonishing auditory skills which help me read between both spoken and unspoken lines, I talked with the writer on the telephone. My own interview assessment, and some research, assures me of the following:

  • He & his publication are legitimate
  • This author’s intent is to be respectful regarding disability issues.
  • This author is sex positive, sensitive to sex workers issues; this will not be a sex worker bashing piece.
  • He will not out anyone by real name or professional name without consent.

I know many of you have or have had some physical or mental health issues, however temporary, and therefore have entered this industry because of the flexibility it offers in terms of scheduling, the benefits of no transportation needed, comfort of working from home, etc.. But I also know many of you do not wish to make your personal health situation(s) public, or to out your phone sex character(s) as having any health issues. Which is why your ability to take part as an anonymous source is so important.

Yet, unless you are willing to share and make public your professional phone sex operator name, this interview is not exactly a promotional opportunity for your phone sex business. (Note: If you are already out about your phone sex work and disability, by all means, use this press to promote yourself!)

However, it is important to note that even as an anonymous source, this is a chance to educate others and to promote sex work in a positive manner. I think this is very important, not only to perhaps help those with disabilities to discover that they can create economic safety and security for themselves via phone sex work, but for the public at large to learn that sex work is work — and respectable work at that.

Interviews can be on the phone, via Skype, or via email, depending upon your needs.

If you are interested in sharing your story, please email me directly at PhonSexSecrets@gmail.com putting “PSOs with Disabilities” in the subject line (I thank you in advance for the courtesy of doing that — it helps me keep on top of things!) and I will put interview candidates in touch with the reporter.

While there is no immediate deadline, obviously the sooner you make contact the better.

Don’t Give Into Stupid Demands

Is this your first time here? You may wish to read this post and my Statement Of Purpose first!

Every few months or so I get emails from consult clients about whether or not they should accept PayPal for calls or other services. So when Emma Evans posted this tweet, I was reminded that I should make a post about this I can send folks to as a reference.

As Evans states, making such moves puts you at risk of being booted from the platform site(s) you use. I’m not joking. Even mentioning at NiteFlirt, for example, other platform sites you use can get you banned for going against Terms Of Service (TOS). So even if your client, however softly, threatens that you’ll lose them if you don’t accommodate their request, you have to ask yourself if being blacklisted at the platform you work at is worth the discussion.

Aside from this practicality, there are other issues.

Even if the offer comes to you via another source, say direct email, contact off your website, Twitter, etc., there’s just no reason to take payments for services outside the phone sex platform site. (This includes clips sites, cam sites, etc.)

One of the number one “requested payment option” sites is PayPal. This should never, ever, be considered. It’s not safe (for either party) as A) no adult services or products are allowed to be sold there, B) personal info is shared, and C) PayPal is not a bank, so they can – and do – freeze accounts and pull funds. (Even if there is, as I tweeted, a class-action lawsuit settlement offering some compensation for those who have suffered through this, it is not commensurate with what all can be lost.) Much of this is true for other online payment processing options. Here I refer you to Sex Work Helpfuls who does a good job of staying up to date on payment options. (See also.)

However, there is much more to consider.

From an ethical and legal point of view, none of these options provides the protection that you are working with a legal adult. It is not worth risking all the potential woes of talking about mature subject matter with minors. Part of what your fees at the platform sites cover is making sure callers and clients are of legal age to participate in such things. Leave those platforms, and you risk much more than your banking problems.

Last, but certainly not least, why would you consider switching platforms? What is the upside, really?

Oh, sure, some of the clients suggesting other options will kindly tell you how they are thinking of you — how you won’t be “giving away” such a large percentage of your money via platform fees. But then these same callers will begin to suggest or even demand that you lower rates because of that. They did you a favor; now do them one. And then they have a million other requests or demands…

Once you acquiesce to one request or demand, how can you stand firm on the next?

Clients who whine, bully, and threaten are not worth keeping. There is always the next boundary they wish to pass.

It doesn’t matter if the client’s request or demand is against TOS or your own personal boundaries, you have the right to refuse. Breaking the rules includes breaking your own rules.

How do you best handle clients who wish to break the rules? Femdommes often have it easier, of course, as they can simply order subs to stop. But here are the five steps I employ with renegade clients:

1) Redirect. Like small children, many clients can easily be brought back to the proper path of behavior with a simple redirect. With toddlers you can jangle a ring of keys or swing a shiny or bright toy; with callers, verbally dangle your breasts, mention their fetish, etc.

2) Gently remind. A simple, but firm, “That’s not allowed!” or “Oh, I don’t think so!” combined with a giggle often works wonders. Then feel free to resume the story or conversation as it was before the inappropriate interruption.

3) Remind more strongly. Firmly state, “No, I’m not going to do that.” Pushier clients may need a, “We’ve discussed that before, and that’s not an option.” If you’d like, think of this as a courtroom scene and you’re the lawyer saying, “Asked and answered. We’re moving on.” Once the message has been received, resume play.

4) Put your foot down. Firmly state that their request is making you uncomfortable — and that if they persist you will be ending the call or communication.  If/when they accept the rules, get back on track with a, “Now, where were we…”

5) Protect yourself. Hang up, block, and even report the caller as you deem appropriate.

If there’s one thing you can count on in phone sex (or any sex work, for that matter) is that sooner or later you’re going to run into clients who want to get discounted or free services, or otherwise push your limits. It’s rather a small percentage of clients; but the longer you are in business, the more likely you are to run into these guys. Know your own boundaries. Firmly set them. And don’t let anyone push past them.

What You Can Learn About Culture From Sex & Sex Work

I was showing a PSO client how to use Google Trends yesterday when I spotted an interesting trend…

Question: According to Google, what region of the world has the highest probability of searching for femdom?

Answer: Syria.

(Click images for larger views.)

phonesexfemdomsyria

Not only has there been a growing interest in female domination services, but the increase in such Syrian searches appears to align with rise of the Syrian conflict or Syrian Civil War which began in 2011 with the Arab Spring protests.

Also, this fetish interest has sharply increased — some might even say it has “spiked” — in recent weeks. In fact, a closer look shows that Syria has a lot of related femdom searches — including a number of “Breakout” search terms, such as for feet, fetish, etc. In case you don’t know what “Breakout” means, it is defined by Google as a search term which grew by more than 5000%. Yes, 5000%!

syriafemdomfetish

Part of me wants to go down a deep rabbit hole and research the possible causes and connections. But that’s time, and time is money. So I’m just going to go with what I know about human sexuality and sex work in general:

1.) When human beings are stressed, there is a strong increase in sex drives especially in terms of desires of the kinky and taboo kind. (And what can be more taboo in a culture that demands women submit to men than femdommes?)

2.) Those professing extreme conservatism, be it religious or political, are often doing so to suppress their own taboo urges. (Can you say, “hypocrites”?)

If you, like I, are seeing an increase in such international callers (often most visible to me in the demand for all sorts of religious humiliation sex game requests), this may explain it.