BDSM Phone Sex Fantasy Basics

BDSM is a really huge umbrella covering a number of very large umbrellas. BDSM is a compound acronym derived from several terms: bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M).

One reason BDSM phone sex fantasy play is so popular is that the play is limitless. There’s no real threat… No pain threshold or risk of doing real damage, so you don’t need to know what you’re doing. No marks for anyone to hide from family, friends, coworkers. No extreme too extreme — it’s all in your mind.

There are as many facets to BDSM as to those who fantasize or practice such activities, resulting in nearly as many websites and books covering (or exposing) them. So it really doesn’t make any sense for me to try to replicate any of them. What I can do, however, is try to break down a few points for the practicing PSO (and caller) to consider.

First, a bit of a primer for those not familiar with some of the fundamentals…

The “top” or dominant (in phone sex work, often called the Domme, Fem Dom, or Mistress) is the person in the role that often involves inflicting pain, degradation, humiliation, or subjugation to the “bottom” or submissive (often called the sub or slave, among other things) who submits voluntarily. Although the top usually is the dominant lead, it is not always so…

Sometimes the dominant “tops” the submissive expressly the way the submissive wishes. This is called “topping from the bottom” and in many BDSM circles it is highly debated in terms of its Truth and/or acceptability. To the extent that anyone paying for BDSM play is a client — a client who selects the service and therefore somewhat directs it, the lines here are murky at best for most BDSM purists.

Being a “switch” is someone who switches back and forth between top and bottom roles. (It is one of the most difficult phone sex services to market. I’m not saying it can’t be done, that it can’t be lucrative; I’m saying it is more difficult than picking one “side” to specialize in. Most male subs prefer to be dominated by a “true” dominant female and most dominant male phone callers prefer not to feel challenged.)

From a professional point of view, taking a No Topping From The Bottom stance has consequences. If you say, “You can’t say no to me about anything,” you market yourself firmly — but know the following:

* You will be expected to lead the call, which puts more pressure on you right from the start.

* The submissive caller can hang-up, walk out, any time they want. This can and will result in short(er) calls and, often, bad feedback (ratings, referrals, complaints, etc.).

Submissive PSOs, you always retain the right to draw lines at what you will and will not do, just like the femdom phone sex operators do. You have the right to refuse submissive fantasy phone play if it is against TOS — including your own terms of service.

Callers:

Callers, saying you are a submissive, sub, etc. is not enough information for even the best PSO to operate off of. Being submissive is a wide open field, open to subjective interpretation. The PSO cannot read your mind and know just what that means to you. Even saying you are “very kinky” or into “extreme twisted play” is nearly meaningless to those of us who have been around the block before. We don’t want to frighten you off, creep you out, turn you off or otherwise scare you away, so most of us err on the side of caution and hope you’ll give us more information. Tell us you want to be humiliated for the size of your small penis. Tell us you want to be caught with our panties and blackmailed into serving as a sissy maid at our next party. Tell us if you want to be kept in a dog crate; if you want to be spanked, smothered, etc.

If you’re a Dominant man, the same goes for you; tell your PSO the sorts of things you expect to do to her.

Complaints, bad feedback, etc. should never be given when you, the caller, resist or refuse to take responsibility for your own participation in the call.

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