Category Archives: Emotions

Phone Sex Fantasy Worries & Hang-Ups

I haven’t discussed much about the actual “sex” in phone sex, yet; and what I have said may be more than a little overwhelming. So let me clarify a few things for beginners…

Whether your phone sex session is based on an erotic masturbatory session, a theoretical discussion, or a more personal counseling type of conversation, you will be exposed to a wide variety of sexual fantasies and fetishes.

It doesn’t matter if your phone sex character or listing is clearly stated to be limited to specific fantasies or niches or not; you will hear lots of different fantasies. In fact, the more limited your niche, fetish, or focus, the more surprised you might be to discover the depth and breadth of what you thought was quite a narrow specialty. And, of course, there are always those callers who seem immune to the rules, whether they be your individual offerings, the company rules, or legal constraints.

In other words, be prepared to hear everything, even if you have clear limits.

If you have a lot of emotional or mental hang-ups about sex, this isn’t the business to be in.

What happens if the caller is pushing the limits, breaking the rules?

While in many ways, the old adage, “The customer is always right!” holds true in phone sex work, you are not obligated — ever — to break the law. Providing good customer service is important, but never feel uncomfortable telling the caller when a topic is illegal. Usually, a polite, but firm, “I’m sorry, but we cannot talk about that,” followed by a sultry invitation to some other sort of play is all that is needed.

But, if the caller insists or otherwise frightens you, you should do two things: 1) hang up, and 2) report the caller to dispatch (or other company contact) so that they may take any appropriate legal actions. Inform them as soon as possible, while the data and info necessary is still easily accessible.

The same is rather true of callers who insist in conversations which are explicitly off limits due to the terms of service (TOS) of the phone sex company or, for independents, platforms and service providers you have agreements with. In these cases, dispatchers, billing, etc., may take action by adding the name to “the list” (which involves further investigations, warning, or, at the very least, no longer connecting those calls to you) or even blocking clients entirely from any and all future services.


But what if the topic isn’t illegal, or against TOS — it’s “just plain icky?”

Unless you work for a really bad phone sex service, you shouldn’t be forced to perform or participate in sex fantasies which upset or sicken you. (And if you do work for that sort of company — quit!¬† It’s not worth it.) This, however, should not be confused with fantasies which just don’t turn you on.

In cases where the fantasy doesn’t arouse you, you’ll just have to fake it and do the work — with a smile. Just like any other person with a customer service job. While there are many phone sex calls which do offer the opportunity for mutual masturbation, not every one will — and it’s not a requirement for a call or even a satisfactory call. In fact, many PSOs will tell you, some of their best work is done when they are not turned on themselves. Not being lost in the moment, distracted by their own erotic needs, means they are better able to focus on the needs of clients. And that’s what your job is: to deliver the fantasy service your caller wants.

What if I’m not good at talking about what he wants?

There will be times that, for whatever reason, you just aren’t any good at certain kinds of calls. Maybe you even like the scenes, but cannot lead and create the stories yourself. Maybe you can’t fully engage callers who seek a discussion, not an erotic time. Or maybe you don’t know what you’re doing wrong, but whenever you have a call on that topic, your call average takes a nosedive or your feedback is terrible. Whatever it is, you have a problem.

A smart professional phone sex provider knows that her bread is buttered best by her good performances. Good performances lead to longer calls, which means more money. And, for independents and those working for companies where they can be requested by callers, consistent hot calls lead to repeat and even regular callers. (As any business person will tell you, keeping a customer is less expensive than trolling for new ones.)

To that extent, a PSO who has a problem with a topic, fetish etc. does her best to problem solve. Perhaps she needs to research the subject, read erotica, get advice from a fellow PSO… Or, at the very least, she should inform dispatch not to send her those calls. (And if she’s independent, she’s best-off informing a caller that his happy ending lies elsewhere — providing a referral, if at all possible.)

For those professionals who do not have the option to redirect a caller, or who must otherwise endure a call while they improve their skills, they must choose between trying to lead a call on a tangent which will satisfy (or at least intrigue) their caller or politely but honestly inform them that they are not the right PSO for them — and/or be prepared to be hung up on.

Hang-ups, mental blocks and physical call disconnects, happen in this business; PSOs expect a certain, but small, percentage of them.

The Pros & Cons Of Phone Sex Call Backs

Call Back services (and those companies which allow for clients to schedule specific times for phone sex calls) have perks for both PSOs and callers alike. As with blind dates or a salesman’s “cold call,” simply knowing what the call is to be about — and when it will be — allows for a more specific and satisfying call.

Pros:

Both the caller and the phone sex operator have the delicious arousing anticipation of a call — just like a date. No one’s waiting on hold (suffering with easy listening music) or in a holding pattern (watching a movie, reading a book, etc. to pass the time); both parties are ready to begin.

Both the caller and the phone sex operator have the opportunity to get physically situated and in the mood. You make sure your basic needs are met (you’re not hungry — for food, you’ve already used the bathroom, etc.), you gather your essentials (from headsets to lube and sex toys), prepare slip into something a bit more comfortable (or at least out of anything unnecessarily restricting), and get comfortable in your favorite over-stuffed chair, in bed. Now you’re both dedicated to the experience, whether it’s a quick down-and-dirty erotic scene or hours worth of chat.

Cons:

PSOs: If you’re considering working for a Call Back phone sex service, be sure that your privacy is secure and that the company will reimburse you for long distance and other connection charges.

Callers: Before you make or schedule your call, be sure to ask how the service connects Call Back phone sex calls and what that means in terms of privacy, the rate you will be billed at by the service, and what fees you’ll be billed for by your telephone service. And verify with your phone service what those connection and long distance rates will be.

Is Phone Sex Work Exploitative?

Each of us is different and has our own unique reactions so I want to include many voices on the subject of phone sex work, including those who claim to have worked in the industry and did not like it.

One such example is this piece called The Tantalizing World of Phone Sex in which Joyce Ventimiglia writes:

Many would agree that phone sex is different [from stripping and appearing in adult videos] because it exploits your psyche as opposed to your body. It’s impossible to close your eyes and block out what you are doing. I don’t think it’s healthy to spend eight hours a day doing something you have to try and block out of your mind.

I agree completely that if you feel so exploited by this — or any other — job, then you certainly shouldn’t be doing it.

Whether feelings of exploitation come from a feminist vein of thinking that “men do this to” or “take from” women, from a firm foundation that sexuality is a personal intimacy reserved for committed and loving relationships only, from a personal belief that sex is a gift and not something for sale, or from any other fixed belief system that makes selling phone sex services repugnant, the bottom line is that no amount of money you make will be worth it for you.

But another former PSO objected to phone sex work for other ethical reasons.

In Making Ends Meet: My Life as a Phone Sex Operator (on page 4), Carolyn Blevins says:

And if I told you I enjoyed it or was proud of my experience it would be a lie. Just when I’d thought there was nothing left to my sense of values and personal standards, my conscience reared its head. Not because of the nasty talk; if I’m an adult and the caller’s an adult and he wants to talk and I’m willing to listen…why not? More power to me ’cause I’m getting paid for it.

But no matter how I sliced it and no matter what sense of desperation motivated my actions, the system I worked for did its fair share of duping men by raising their hopes of meeting a Miss Right or at least a Miss-Right-Now, all for only $3.99 a minute. I bought into and helped perpetrate the dupe. And the stupid clich√© was right: I had a hard time dealing with the face in the mirror and it turned out I just wasn’t the hard pragmatist I always thought I was.

I’ve no personal experience with this sort of phone sex work. As I’m more of a direct gal and have no problems selling sex as a form of entertainment or, frankly, a simple basic bodily function I help facilitate, I avoid this sort of duplicitous work. However, my ethics are not your ethics. In any case, I mention this to you for your own consideration.